


Vital Signs

by TheKettleWitch



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - Warm Bodies Fusion, Angst and Romance, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Gingerrose - Freeform, Minor Character Death, Post-Zombie Apocalypse, Reylo - Freeform, Survival Horror
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-31
Updated: 2020-09-04
Packaged: 2021-03-03 05:53:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,998
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24466021
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheKettleWitch/pseuds/TheKettleWitch
Summary: A Warm Bodies Reylo AU.B is kind of dead. Rey is trying to stay alive. Is their relationship doomed to flatline or will they get the rhythm back?
Relationships: Minor or Background Relationship(s), Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 16
Kudos: 59





	1. Comfortably Numb

**Author's Note:**

> I haven’t posted anything on here for a long time for many reasons. I guess the main one is because I lost all confidence as a writer and it didn’t seem like anyone would miss my stories. But I have lots of half-written Reylo WIPs from the pre-TROS era and, during lockdown, I got the urge to start working on them again.
> 
> I don’t know if this one is any good, I’ll let you all be the judge of that. It owes a big debt to both the movie version of Warm Bodies and the book by Isaac Marion. I have this fic half written and I’m estimating it will be 6 chapters in all. Each chapter will take its title from a song and include a brief quote from the lyrics. Their will be alternate viewpoints from Ben to Rey (and so on).
> 
> The first chapter song is Comfortably Numb by Pink Floyd. 
> 
> The alternate title was A New Day Yesterday by Jethro Tull. I went with Pink Floyd because it’s one of all time favourites.
> 
> There will be other songs mentioned along the way as well as those in the chapter titles. It isn’t essential to know or listen to them. But it will hopefully add to the experience for those who like playlists.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this Warm Bodies Reylo AU and thank you for taking the time to read it.

_Hello? Is there anybody in there…_

B lives in the present but it’s not exactly a gift. The past is as dead to him as the future, so the here and now is all he’s got. What he has isn’t life but it’s not entirely death, either. It’s something in between, a limbo state. The Breathers call them the Undead, zombies, ghouls, rotters or some other slang term for walking not-quite corpses, like Dead-heads. It isn’t particularly politically correct but nobody seems to care about that anymore. 

None of them know what caused them to be the way they are. It usually starts with a monkey in the movies. B doesn’t remember getting bit by a primate of any kind, he doesn’t know much about anything these days. His memories of his life before the change have faded to nothing, except for a dim recollection his name began with a ‘B’. It’s not much but it’s all he’s got left. Sometimes he wonders if it could have started with a K instead. But when you have a bad case of advanced rigor mortis, ‘Bee’ is easier for a stiff jaw to groan than ‘Kay’. 

The Undead remember the mechanics of living but not their individual lives. It could be viewed as one of the small mercies they’ve been afforded, to not know what they’ve lost. Or, more importantly, who they’ve lost. But it somehow makes the emptiness worse. When he eats someone fresh, B gets little glimpses into his past. To his fleeting frustration, he finds he can’t retain the information for long. It’s like having what, in the nineteenth century, they used to call a Twi-thought. That is a vague, indistinct thought that you might like to hang on to, but that you can't even begin to remember twenty seconds later.

B ends up spending most of his time wandering around terminals and runways or sitting on a plane that never goes anywhere. Coruscant City Airport used to be a hive of activity and excitement. All kinds of people boarded planes to far flung destinations or arrived from exotic places. Even flights to domestic locations brought with them the potential for new adventures. People flocked there with purpose. They were going places. And if they got lost, there would always be someone on hand to point them in the right direction. They bought duty free in the belief they were getting a bargain. They paid inflated prices for bottles of water and cups of coffee without complaint. Laughter and conversation filled the air, along with the frequent announcements of arrivals and departures. Passengers returned to tearful reunions as others were waved off by stoic loved ones. 

The airport still sees plenty of activity but it’s not the same. The Undead who populate it aren’t going anywhere anymore. All they do is shuffle around in ever decreasing circles. The power flickers on from time to time when the few functioning solar panels on the roof get enough sun. It never lasts long. Where once there was a thriving economy there is only decay. A world of out of control consumerism is now eating itself. Nothing lasts forever, it sometimes just feels that way. The battle of man versus nature had led to the creation of the unnatural where the dead no longer die. 

Occasionally, when he’s on his way to nowhere in particular, B catches his reflection in one of the few unbroken Departure Lounge windows. He stops for a brief moment and wonders who he used to be. His skin has the pallor of the recently deceased and his collar-length black hair hangs limply over his face. B wouldn’t call himself good-looking but death seems to suit him. For some reason he doesn’t think he was the kind of person who smiled a lot in life. When it comes to the post-mortem, he is better off than some. B has still got all his own teeth and he doesn’t look too rotten. Death doesn’t do anything good for the posture, but he still stands taller than most. He is well-built too. The others of his kind seem to be wary of him and give him space, even when it’s feeding time.

B is dressed suitably funereal in black from head to foot. Smart casual, he believes they used to call it, in jeans, a shirt, and a jacket. He had certainly chosen the right outfit to spend the afterlife in. Others around him had gone for less forgiving colours the day they joined the ranks of the Undead. Maybe they would have rethought the pastels if they’d known their fate. Nothing said ‘last season’ more than clothes covered in layers of dried blood, dust, and grime. Whites were no longer quite so virginal but black hid a multitude of sins.

Whatever his life was before, B now spends every day in much the same fashion. He likes to keep to himself mostly and to the plane he’s claimed as his own. There are a few sleek private jets standing empty. However, for some inexplicable reason, he had been drawn to a beat up old freighter. Sometimes B takes a shamble through one of the airport’s nine passenger terminals, passing by the remnants of civilization as he goes. The coffee shops don’t sell their special blends or fancy frothy drinks now but the tables are still occupied. The Undead continue to echo the things they did in life. The barista stands at the counter and presses buttons even though the machinery no longer works the way it should. Zombie patrons bring cups of mouldy coffee dregs to their sagging lips. They are like automatons on a theme park ride stuck going through the motions day after day.

B has watched some of the other zombies form small family groups and even pair off. There is no real attachment though and they usually go their separate ways after a while. It’s a pale imitation of what they once knew. But, apparently the urge to make a connection survives even if they don’t know what to do with it. In his reflective moments, B wonders if anyone misses him or if he’d be missing someone if he wasn’t what he is. There is no wedding ring on his finger. His wallet had once fallen out of his pocket during a feeding frenzy and there were no pictures in it. Perhaps he has always been alone. 

On most days, B crosses paths with H, or ‘Huh’ because that’s all either of them can manage to say. He wouldn’t call H a friend but they both pause and stare at each other for a while as if there is some tiny spark of recognition somewhere in their stagnant brains. B thinks maybe they did know each other before. There is a residual energy of mutual dislike but also resignation that they’re stuck together, prisoners of circumstance.

H is narrow built but tall like B with a shock of red hair framing his pale features. Sometimes, they exchange a series of grunts and groans that passes for conversation. They even manage to string two or three words together on a good day. H is wearing a black suit and the collar of his shirt is dark red, all good colours for the post-apocalyptic world they now inhabit. Eating can get especially messy and there is no place for table manners. When the hunger comes upon them, they are helpless to do anything but hunt and feed.

Eating keeps them from decaying too much. Fresh meat is best and the more of the living they can devour, the better. The brain is the most sought after part. B doesn’t enjoy chowing down on human flesh but it’s necessary. He can’t stop even if he wants to because it’s who he is now. When he gets hungry, he has to eat. The Undead seem to have a herd instinct when it comes to hunting as the Breathers do for surviving. B sees the others gathering near the exit. H is already there and his appetite has made him unusually verbose. “Feed— now,” he drawls with black drool oozing from his pale lips. 

The herd stumbles out of the airport into a warm spring afternoon. Heat doesn’t bring out the best in the undead. Cold doesn’t do them any favours, either. If they get trapped in the ice and snow, they freeze up and snap off limbs trying to break free. The heat accelerates the rotting process and their stench gives the Breathers a heads up as it hits them well in advance of the herd. It is hard enough to find food as it is. Most of the survivors are holed up in armoured fortresses behind steel walls. The rest are scattered far and wide across the crumbling remains of the city. There is no telling how long things have been the way they are or what caused the dead to rise, but nature is reclaiming what had until recently been concreted over. Plant life, at least, is blooming. The grey is bursting with patches of green.

The city isn’t too far away but they’re slow movers. Hunger drives the herd onwards as afternoon turns to night. The Undead don’t need sleep or rest but if they don’t get food for long enough they eventually come to a standstill. Once all their flesh and organs decay and they’re nothing but bones, that’s when real death comes calling. The herd passes a couple that are little more than walking skeletons. One of them pitches forward and shatters onto the ground attracting a few glances of curiosity. There is no sadness or pity, the Undead have lost the capacity to mourn their own. B doesn’t even look back. He keeps on walking, his instincts leading him towards what he desperately needs. There are Breathers nearby among the crumbling buildings and rusting cars, he can smell them. The stench of life. If he could produce saliva, his mouth would be watering right about now.

B doesn’t wait for the rest of the herd. He is bigger and better preserved than most. The others don’t get in his way and he doesn’t share. If they want to pick his leftovers clean, he doesn’t mind too much, but they will wait until he’s done. When the hunger lust is upon him he’s faster than the rest, the Undead and the Living. It isn’t like a human appetite, not that he remembers having to eat an extra bowl of cereal after almost every meal because it was never enough. This hunger cannot be sated by anything other than consuming life itself. 

There is a Drugstore up ahead and B bounds towards it like a charging ape. The herd are close behind him. They have got the scent now too and the hunger makes their heavy limbs move faster. What happens when they burst through the door is a blur of splintered glass, screams, and gunshots.

There are a small group of breathers holed up inside. B can’t see them in the darkness, but he can hear five hearts beating and almost taste the blood rushing through their veins.

“Look alive!” a young woman commands her friends as she jumps out of the shadows firing her shotgun.

A bullet grazes B’s shoulder but he’s on her before she can reload. 

“Tallie?” A man’s voice cries desperately from the back of the store. 

The herd gets to him before he can utter another word. His screams don’t last long.

There are more gunshots and they take down enough of the Undead to allow one of the breathers to escape. A young woman of short stature, with long black hair tied up in a bun gets to the door of the Drugstore. She yells out for her friends but they’re either busy or already dead because none of them reply. A truck pulls up outside and the woman runs for it jumping inside before it screeches off into the distance.

B is too lost in indulging his appetite to care what’s going on around him. The chunks he’s taken out of the girl’s neck haven’t hit the spot, he needs more. He knows what he has to do but he doesn’t know if he has the strength to do it. When he eats, he remembers, and it kills him just a little bit more. B crack’s the girl’s skull open to get at her brain. He does so reluctantly but inevitably because the hunger makes him helpless to resist. This vicious cycle he’s stuck in has no end because he doesn’t know how to stop it. If he knew how terrible his memories could be, B would let himself wither away. But he forgets in between meals and all he retains is the overwhelming urge to feed. He scoops out a handful of squishy pink matter and shoves it in his mouth. It’s a trip every time. B gets flashes of the girl’s — of Tallie’s life, the person who’s throat he’s just ripped out. Alongside the residue of her past he gets brief glimpses of his own.

_Tallie has her blonde hair pulled back in a ponytail, her blue eyes wide as she watches a small plane take off. It’s her eighth birthday in a couple of weeks and her dad promised to take her up there with him the next time he dusts the crops. She wants to learn how to fly too. Living on a farm can be fun but she longs to be among the clouds..._

B wants to cry but he can’t, his eyes don’t make tears now. There is something so familiar about Tallie’s childhood and he can’t be sure his memories aren’t bleeding into hers. The brain tastes bitter in his mouth and he wants to spit it out. If he stops eating, he will forget it all, her life and his. But he’s still so hungry. B takes another bite and the pictures inside his mind start to play like an old home movie. He sees the face of a pretty girl with a dazzling smile and, somewhere in the dark chambers of his shrivelled heart, he feels a stirring. 

The name of the girl and everything else about her eludes him but he knows for certain she’s the centre of his universe. No wonder he’s been so off-kilter without her. She has bright hazel eyes and her brown hair is pulled back into a strange three-bun style. B closes his eyes and tries to hold onto the image of her. He doesn’t know how he could ever have forgotten about her in the first place. If he could just remember more about her — but the knowledge is out of his reach like an itch inside B can’t scratch. It is no use no matter how hard he tries. His mind goes blank and he feels so empty.

There is more than half of Tallie’s brain left and, in desperation, B takes another mouthful hoping it will unlock more of his memories. But, apart from a brief foray into the mind of a teenaged Tallie and her awful prom date, it’s not working. He kicks at a shelf in frustration, it all seems like such a waste of life and energy. 

A shuffling sound and zesty smell alerts B to the presence of another breather. He considers letting them go but his instincts take over. It is the sight of the young woman’s hairstyle that stops him in his tracks just as he’s ready to pounce. She is on her hands and knees attempting to crawl around the shelving units to safety while the remainder of the herd are occupied. B can’t quite believe what he’s seeing; it’s her — the girl with the dazzling smile and hazel eyes. 

She doesn’t see him at first, too busy focusing on the feeding frenzy behind her. As she crawls into his path, she realises her error and grabs for her gun. But she doesn’t fire right away, recognition widens her gaze and she stares up at him as if she isn’t sure he’s really there. 

“Ben?” she gasps rising slowly to her feet.

Is that what the ‘B’ stands for? He mulls it over and there is a definite familiarity about it. Her name is on the tip of his tongue. He swallows the chunk of Tallie’s brain he’s been chewing on and shoves the rest in his pocket.

“R—R—,” Ben begins unsure of what comes next.

She is older than he remembers and even more beautiful. 

He stands up and she readies her gun but hesitates on using it. It’s only when she sees what remains of Tallie on the floor behind him that she pulls the trigger.

H lunges at her, knocking her aim off and the bullet flies over Ben’s head, narrowly missing its intended target. 

“Mine,” he growls as a warning to H not to touch her again.

H grunts in annoyance but he backs off and goes in search of someone else to eat. 

She trains the gun on him again but her mask of determination is slipping. 

Ben gets another fleeting glimpse of her from his past…

 _She is wet from the rain storm that’s raging outside. There is fire in the grate and he sits her down beside it. Her flimsy white tank top is soaked through and he drapes his jacket over her shoulders. It is comically big on her but she clutches it gratefully to her shivering body. Her hazel eyes are full of tears as she gazes across at him reaching for his hand_...

Her name comes flooding back to him. “R—ey,” he rasps. He is never going to forget her again.

She is crying and the gun is shaking in her fist. “Ben, are you really still in there?”

  
  



	2. It’s All Coming Back To Me Now

_It was dead long ago but it’s all coming back to me..._

Rey lets out a sob, her hope changing to horror in an instant. The blood smears around Ben’s mouth bring her to her senses. That and Tallie’s body at her feet with its head caved in. She can’t afford to be sentimental and allow herself to forget what Ben has become. His once pretty eyes are now dull and lifeless. Rey adjusts her aim with the gun as her finger trembles on the trigger. She has to be strong and end this.

“D—anger,” Ben warns, looking past her to the back of the Drugstore.

Both of them know three bodies aren’t going to distract the herd for long. A couple of the Undead are already sniffing the air in search of their next meal.

Ben knocks the gun out of her grasp while she’s distracted and kicks it to an inaccessible spot under one of the display units. Rey grabs the knife from her belt and swings at him. His reflexes are surprisingly fast for a zombie and he manages to evade a stab to the head. She snarls in anger and drives the knife into Ben’s chest as he lunges at her. 

He stops and looks down at where it’s embedded. After a brief pause, he pulls the blade out and throws it into the darkness of the Drugstore.

It won’t kill him or even hurt him but Rey feels bad all the same. But she doesn’t have time to dwell on it because the herd is on the move again and in search of fresh meat.

Ben uses his fingers to gather up some of the thick black blood from the wound she’s inflicted. He grabs her and stripes it down her face before she can stop him. 

“Hey,” Rey protests in disgust while trying to work herself free from his arms.

“Safe... now,” Ben promises. 

He surely can’t expect her to trust him. Not while he’s still got bits of her friend’s brain stuck in his teeth.

However, Rey realises that with her friends currently dead or nowhere in the vicinity, her options are limited. At least it seems like Ben is doing what he can to keep her off the menu. The odds are against her and Rey has to survive. Survival is her thing. She started long before the world ended and it’s second nature to her now.

Rey curses and struggles against his hold but she allows Ben to smear more of his foul-smelling blood on her. 

“Come... on,” Ben says, tugging her along with him. “Play… dead.”

Rey reluctantly follows mimicking his halting pace. A few of the Undead sniff her as they pass but she must not smell like dinner anymore. She contemplates making a run for it once they get outside but she is unfamiliar with the area. Her team had to travel further out than before to find supplies and she’s not sure how to get back to the Resistance Compound from there. 

Maybe Ben will keep her safe. He does remember her name and he could have attacked her or let the others, but he didn’t. It’s a start and there is no one else to help her. What’s left of her friends is on the floor of the Drugstore. Rose got out alive at least. Rey had seen her go but couldn’t risk calling to her. People do get left behind sometimes. The living have to make hard choices if they want to stay that way. Rey often wonders if the zombies aren’t the only ones who have lost their humanity in this cruel world. Finding ways to numb the pain makes it easier to carry on. She has seen other survivors turn to drink, drugs and sex; all the usual escapes to keep going. But it’s not living, it’s existing. If they are only walking through the part it makes them no better off than the Undead. 

Anyone who has survived this long has seen too much death to be moved by it but Rey fights hard to hold onto her compassion. It has become a ritual of hers to plant a flower or tree to commemorate the fallen. Something beautiful for a purpose other than survival. When she gets back to the compound she will add to her little garden in memory of Tallie, Beau, and Snap. 

Ben occasionally steals glances at her as they walk. He tries to discreetly wipe the blood from his mouth as if he’s self conscious about it, but his hands are still streaked with red. 

Rey knows she should get as far away from him as possible. He wasn’t a good man in life and death hasn’t exactly turned him into an angel. It’s foolish to go wherever he’s leading her but she always did find herself drawn to him. After all the long nights she’s spent imagining what she’d do if she were to see him again, Rey finds she doesn’t want to leave him just yet. 

The last time she saw him, after everything went to hell, Rey vowed she would put him out of his misery if she ever got the chance. A bullet or knife through the brain is all it takes to permanently snuff out life or what’s left of it. Ben had been a monster back then, driven by bloodlust. Rey isn’t sure what he is now. He has eaten the brain of one of her friends but he doesn’t appear to be interested in cracking her head open. Hope is a fragile thing and nonsensical under the circumstances. It occurs to her, he might just be saving her for later, like leftover takeout. But Ben said her name as if he remembers her, as if he still cares.

The trudge back to the airport seems to go on forever and Rey is exhausted by the time they get there. Once inside, the herd splinters off and Ben guides her out towards one of the runways. She expects him to head for one of the sleek private jets. There is a black one with a familiar company logo on it. Rey is so sure he’s leading her there she veers towards it, but he keeps on walking. When she sees the freighter plane, her stomach lurches. It isn’t the Millennium Falcon but it’s close enough.

“You’re… my guest,” Ben says, waiting for her to climb up the steps.

Rey eyes the car park in the distance. Her mechanic skills are second to none and she’s sure there must be one car among the rows of abandoned vehicles that is still roadworthy. Unfortunately, there are more than a few Dead-heads between her and it. 

“Come in... Safe,” Ben insists, holding out his hand to her.

Rey takes it deciding she’s better off with the deadman she knows. For now, anyway.

The inside of the freighter is — unexpected. It is a veritable Aladdin’s Cave of curiosities. She thinks back to when Ben took her to his sparsely furnished apartment. It was all sleek, black, stylish but functional fittings and plain white walls. Ben Solo used to be a minimalist. This freighter is a place he wouldn’t have been caught dead in back then. Except, here he is. The crates and boxes were likely already onboard when he took up residence but the rest has to be his own work. Rey carefully navigates her way around the piles of clutter picking up books she recognises. Matilda, her all time favourite, is next to a model motorcycle that’s just like the beat up Sand Speeder she saved from the junkyard. There are lots of dried up daisies scattered around too and she’s always loved them.

“You remembered,” Rey says, picking up her favourite book and turning to Ben with tears in her eyes.

His expression is blank. “Not… really,” he replies as if every word he says requires great effort, which it apparently does as he works his jaw in a futile attempt to try and loosen it up. She doesn’t know Ben has already surpassed his usual word limit for an entire month.

Rey didn’t realise zombies could do more than groan and occasionally say things like ‘brains’ before today so she tries to be patient. She feels her hopes starting to rise again. If Ben has been collecting items of significance to her such as books they’d once talked about and a beaded necklace like one she found at a craft fair, Rey reasons there has to be some of his residual memories left at the very least. It can never be like it was but maybe Ben Solo isn’t completely lost to her after all.

“What do you remember from before?” she asks.

“Not… much,” Ben shrugs. “You’re Rey.” He shrugs again.

Her heart sinks. What did she think was going to happen anyway? He had just killed and partly eaten one of her friends. The two of them have always been from different worlds but this is ridiculous. “You once told me I was nothing but not to you,” Rey murmurs recalling one of the most hurtful things he’s ever said to her. “I suppose I should be grateful you can still remember my name, uh?”

Ben shakes his head as vehemently as he’s able. “I know I… love you.”

Rey can’t stop the bitter laughter that bursts out of her. “Maybe you did once, in your own way,” she says sobering at the recollection of his botched proposal. “But it wasn’t enough — I wasn’t enough.” 

“Why…n...n...?” Ben can’t seem to get the rest of whatever he wants to say out and he thuds his hands against the freighter in frustration.

Rey sighs, her gaze falls on the hole in his shirt from where her knife went in and she has to fight back tears. “I did want to take your hand — Ben Solo’s hand,” she confesses, her lips trembling with emotion. “But it doesn’t matter now. I suppose we just weren’t meant to be.”

Ben shuffles around as if he doesn’t know what to do with himself. “Safe...here,” he promises, moving to take up guard duty by the door. 

“I’m going to rest for a few hours and then I have to go,” Rey decides realising it’s better if she focuses on the practical and necessary instead of dreaming of another life she’ll never get to live.

Crushing exhaustion hits her and Rey sinks down onto an empty wooden pallet. Ben once promised her she wasn’t alone but that’s all she’s ever been. Death has been kinder to him than life has to her. He doesn't know how lucky he is not to have to carry the burden of his past mistakes and misdeeds. Rey only wishes she could erase everything from her past that has ever hurt her too, including him. The tears come thick and fast now. All she wants to do is sleep and forget everything for a while. 

As tired as she is, Rey is too tightly wound to fall asleep. She tries recalling happier times to help her relax but before she can distract her weary mind, she is replaying memories of her brief relationship with Ben and the last time she had seen him alive.

_Things had been going to hell for a while. The news brought almost daily reports of extreme weather events with unprecedented floods, droughts, and forest fires burning out of control. There was famine, disease, and wars. Even the Earth’s magnetic field was losing its grip. It truly appeared as if the end times had come. The four horsemen had saddled up ready to ride into town. Not enough people paid attention until death rode up to their doors._

_As always, there were those who looked to profit from disaster. Even as the world collapsed around their ears. The First Order were such a corporation and Kylo Ren was their CEO. He and Rey could not have been more different with his seeming desire to destroy the world and her striving to save it. She had been homeless and on the run from an abusive former foster father when she ran into Han Solo. He was a pilot and ran a freight business, which hadn’t always been above board. His wife, Leia Organa had tried to keep him on the straight and narrow, especially during her time as a senator, but he was a born rogue._

_Han also fixed up classic cars on the side with his best friend and business partner, Chuck ‘Chewie’ Bacca. That’s where Rey came in. As a self-taught motor mechanic, she managed to find and fix the fault with his ‘77 Corellian Corvette, when he had tried and failed for years. She got a job, a place to live, and a surrogate family all in one. When she heard about their estranged son, Ben Solo, who now called himself Kylo Ren, and also happened to be second-in-command of one of the most ethically bankrupt companies in the world, she had been filled with anger. Ben Solo had everything she had ever wanted handed to him on a plate and he’d thrown it all away to go and work for a creep like A.C. Snoke._

_Rey’s first meeting with the infamous Kylo Ren had been at a protest rally. The environmental protest group known as The Resistance, and led by Leia Organa, were attempting to protect ancient forest land from The First Order’s bulldozers. Rey had been chained to a tree and stupidly allowed herself to get dehydrated from being out in the heat of summer for too long. Strong arms had caught her as she fainted and it turned out the man she had to thank for saving her from hitting the ground was Kylo Ren. Instead of gratitude, Rey gave him a piece of her mind. She called him by his birth name, both to infuriate him and because she didn’t like the made up one._

_After that, the two of them happened to bump into each other on too many occasions for it to be accidental or coincidental. Rey would hurl abuse at Ben and he would argue back. He called her a trusting fool and she told him he was Snoke’s lap dog. At the heart of it all, they were two lost and lonely souls. Before Rey quite realised what was happening, they were baring their souls to each other and a lot more besides. It turned out there was more to the story regarding the bad blood between Ben and his family. She had her secrets too. Her parents had abandoned her when she was younger and she had never spoken to anyone about the way that made her feel. But Ben understood because he felt it too. He felt it all._

_Rey thought she was getting through to him. She believed he had begun to see Snoke and The First Order for the blight on humanity that they were. When Ben told her he had evidence of corruption against Snoke, she hoped the moment had finally arrived when he would change course. His family loved and missed him, they were sorry for doubting him and wanted him to come home. Rey also dared to dream the two of them could build a future together. But her hopes were, as always, cruelly dashed._

_Kylo Ren did ensure Snoke faced charges of corruption. The wicked old goat chose suicide over prison. But instead of bringing The First Order down with Snoke, Kylo took over as CEO. Rey couldn’t accept Ben’s marriage proposal after that. He expected her to compromise her ideals and turn her back on the only loving family she’d ever known. She refused to take his hand and Ben didn’t handle rejection well. All contact between them was severed and it was a year before they saw each other again. By that time, Armageddon was upon them._

_The first reports of the dead rising were dismissed as internet pranks. But soon, it was happening everywhere and chaos reigned. Rey got a call from Ben and he begged her to meet him. He told her he never stopped loving her and he knew a place, somewhere safe they could escape to until the danger had passed. The offer was for her alone. But Rey wouldn’t leave her friends and those she’d come to regard as family, even if she did still love Ben too._

_Days later, all except emergency lines of communication were cut. Leia heard rumours that The First Order headquarters had been overrun and her son might not have made it out alive. Han had to find out, and so did Rey. By the time they got to within a couple of blocks of FO HQ the army were turning everyone away from the Coruscant City Bridge area. Chewie, Han, Rey, and her best friend Finn, managed to push past their defences but the colonel warned them the whole east side of the city had been overrun. When they got to The First Order Building it was a bloodbath. The Undead were still finding their feet and easy to dispatch. But the group had to split up to cover more ground and they couldn’t afford to linger long or they’d risk running low on ammo._

_Rey had almost given up hope of finding Ben when she saw Han walking towards the Coruscant City Bridge. Twenty feet or so ahead there stood a lone figure, unmistakable in his usual black attire, staring out at the river below. There was no way to tell from a distance if Ben had joined the ranks of the Undead. Han stepped forward, telling Chewie, Finn and Rey to hang back until he knew for sure if his son was still alive. All three of them had watched transfixed and with bated breath as Han called out to Ben. He turned to face his father and had just enough life left to warn him it was too late._

_What happened next would haunt Rey to the end of her days. The blood lust took over as if a switch had been flicked. Ben ripped into his father’s chest and tore out his heart. As Han staggered forward and fell to the ground, all hell broke loose. Chewie had roared in grief, his shotgun blast hitting his godson in the side of his abdomen instead of in the head. Finn was too shocked to react at all. Rey had screamed out in horror and disbelief, her vision blinded by tears._

_The next thing they knew, Fighter jets were flying overhead firing missiles at random buildings and then circling to target the bridge. The Undead swarmed towards them and they had been forced to flee. Chewie went to get their ride. Finn had grabbed Rey by the hand pulling her away from the bridge and from Ben. As they sped away, she lost sight of him in the crowd. He wasn’t the man she loved anymore. Rey wasn’t sure if that man had ever really existed in the first place._

_He told her not long after they met that he was Kylo Ren and Ben Solo was dead. Maybe she should have listened. Rey swore if she ever saw him again, for Han and Leia’s sake if nothing else, she would grant him eternal rest. Whatever had been left of Ben Solo died on that bridge. Once a person turned there was no coming back from it. She had been so sure about that. But, now..._

Rey lets out a weary sigh and turns her back on Ben. He is keeping his silent vigil and he won’t kill her, she is certain of it. Perhaps she’s foolish to trust he will keep her safe but he hasn’t tried to bite her once. He isn’t like the others. Rey doesn’t know what he is, only that she can’t keep her promise to put him out of his misery. Not yet, anyway. She needs to at least sleep on it.

For all their differences, Ben had known her like no one else. He saw her; all of her, the good and the bad. He loved and accepted her in a way not even her own family had been capable of. Ben had been her first, her only, in every way that counted. It seems just as crazy to her now as it did back then, but he’s home to her. Rey loves her friends, she would die for them, but without Ben there will always be something missing. 

She drifts off into fitful sleep, finally too exhausted to do anything else. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter takes its title from Its All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion. I’m not her biggest fan but the theme and video for this song seemed appropriate with the dead lover and remembrance of the past. I was going to go with Come As You Are by Nirvana if you’d like to add that one to the playlist too.


	3. Love Will Tear Us Apart

_When routine bites hard_

_And ambitions are low_

_And resentment rides high_

_But emotions won't grow_

_And we're changing our ways_

_Taking different roads…_

Ben keeps watch as Rey snores softly on her makeshift bed. It’s night out and there’s a half moon in the sky. His eyes follow a couple of zombie kids who have wandered from the main building. Children tend to be less wary of him than grownups. They don’t know any better, he supposes. Ben knows they are no threat to him but they could alert others if they catch the scent of who he’s protecting. When they get closer, he growls at them to scare them off but they just stare at him blankly as they amble by. The kids don’t get to feed as often as the adults and it makes them sluggish. It takes a while before they disappear from view, but once they’re gone he is alone with Rey again.

Ben Solo, that’s what she called him. In the space of a day he’s gone from a letter to a whole name. It certainly seems to fit as the definition of solo is solitary, alone — lonely. But being here with Rey is right somehow in a way he can’t begin to explain. It’s the same way he knows he loves her, even if he can’t remember what love feels like anymore. It is an indisputable fact the way Ben knows there is a force called gravity that keeps his feet on the ground. In his head, he hears the voice of a man, it could be his father, say ‘ _You can’t blame gravity for falling in love’._

His fingers twitch towards the pocket where he keeps the remnants of Tallie’s brain. Ben wants to remember more about his past, especially his history with the woman curled up a few feet away from him. He debates whether to risk taking a few bites. All the bits and pieces he’s collected without knowing the reason why all seems to lead back to Rey. The compulsion had been nonsensical to him, going out to find books he could no longer read and flowers he is sure he never had a use for. But now, Ben wonders if he’s somehow been searching for Rey all along. Maybe he never really forgot her at all. She got tucked away in his subconscious for safekeeping and he has been following a breadcrumb trail back to her ever since. 

Ben needs to know more about their relationship. From the little Rey said, it sounds like he hurt her. If he can’t remember what he did wrong, he can’t begin to make it right. As there is no one around, Ben decides it’s safe to take a quick snack. He pulls a chunk of the brain from his pocket and pops it into his mouth. It is still mostly pink but the longer he holds onto it, the less potent it becomes. Nothing happens after he swallows the first mouthful and so he takes another bite. Ben waits, focusing on the sound of Rey breathing deeply in her sleep as he closes his eyes.

_Tallie gives a triumphant cheer as she finishes up target practice. She hasn’t missed a shot in forever. General Organa is sure to let her lead a mission soon. The Resistance are her family now, she’s lost everyone else, and she won’t lose them. Where there is life, there is hope. That’s what her dad used to say and she holds onto his words when times are bad. Tallie is determined to fight until her last breath…_

Ben swallows her memories the way he did her life. The knowledge of what he is and what he’s done sticks in his throat and makes him gag. For him to keep existing, Tallie had to die. It wasn’t a fair exchange but he can’t take it back now. 

Rey shifts in her sleep and he watches the steady rise and fall of her chest. The Undead don’t need to breathe but Ben mimics her until his shrivelled lungs burn with the effort of forcing in air. For a moment, he feels almost alive. But the sensation soon passes and he is empty again. He slumps down onto one of the crates and stares up at the night sky. Storm clouds cover the half moon as raindrops hitting the roof of the freighter beat out a soothing rhythm. It has a hypnotic effect on him. 

_Rey moans softly as Ben trails soft kisses down her neck. He is as deep in her as he can get and it’s perfect — she’s perfect. She whispers his name over and over as he rocks into her. Her whispers turn to shouts as he picks up the pace. Rey climbs higher and Ben holds her tighter, climbing with her. She holds his gaze urging him on and then she’s falling. It’s almost more than he can bear. More than he deserves. But he presses his lips to hers and he lets go. Ben pours everything he has into her and Rey takes it all…_

He needs another piece of brain to make the trip last.

_Tallie laughs and takes a drink. The home brewed hooch burns her throat and she coughs and then bursts into laughter again. There are five other people sitting in a circle with her and she passes the bottle around. Rey is there but she doesn’t take a drink. ‘You’ve been in love?’ Finn asks her with a look of suspicion as he also declines to drink and passes the bottle to Kaydel. ‘So have you,’ Rey points out refusing to answer his question._

_After a few more rounds of ‘Never Have I Ever’, Finn, Poe, and Snap head off to their quarters to get some sleep. Kaydel doesn’t say where she’s going but they probably won’t see her again until morning. Tallie undresses for bed, curiosity getting the better of her. ‘Hey, you totally don’t have to answer this but is it Finn? I mean I know you guys are close, but since Jannah came along… ’ Tallie senses her discomfort and backs off. ‘Never mind, it’s none of my business,’ she says as Rey lies down on her bunk. She turns the light out and everything is quiet._

_Tallie doesn’t get to sleep right away and she begins to wonder if she’ll ever fall in love. The hookups are fun but it would be nice to have someone special to come back to after a hard day of zombie killing. ‘It’s not Finn’. Rey’s voice startles her back to the present. ‘I do love him, but like a brother.’ Tallie listens to her friend unburden herself in the dark. ‘It happened before the end of the world, before we established this place. He was the last person on Earth I should have fallen in love with. But we all make mistakes, right? Anyway, it doesn’t matter now because he’s dead and I just want to forget him and all of it. I should have taken that drink, it might have helped with the forgetting part,” Rey laughs in a way that sounds hollow to Tallie’s ears..._

_Ben sees himself begging Rey to stay with him. His hand is outstretched as he pleads with her to say yes. She has tears streaking her face as she looks at him with yearning in her eyes. As he dares to hope she is about to accept his proposal, she shakes her head and steps away. The agony of rejection is too much and he’s screaming at her as she runs from him._

_He would have given her the world but she doesn’t want it — she doesn’t want him. Ben can’t bear it. The next thing he knows, he’s standing amidst the ruins of his office, splintered glass and wood at his feet. Rage and then despair, that’s the old familiar pattern. Ben can picture his parents giving him the look they always gave him when he lost control. It was a mixture of disappointment, sadness, and resignation, as if they expected no better from him. He has let them down too many times and they don’t want him either. They sent him away and now Rey has turned from him. Everyone he loves leaves him in the end…_

“Ben?” 

Rey’s voice sounds shrill to his ears as he jolts back to what passes as life. His eyes are already open and she’s peering into them with an expression of concern. As he moves she takes a step back and he’s reminded of his dream. Ben shakes his head in confusion because the Undead don’t dream anymore. Sleep is more of a temporary shutdown, like when an electric car runs out of charge. But he appears to have done both last night. It should hurt, finding out about Rey’s rejection. That she considers their love to be a mistake best forgotten. Fortunately he’s as dead on the inside as he is on the outside these days. 

“Were you asleep?” Rey frowns, sounding annoyed.

Ben shrugs because he can’t begin to explain what happened. 

He swears he does feel something when he looks at her. There is a yearning for more than stagnation. Rey makes him feel a different kind of hunger to the sort he usually experiences in the presence of Breathers. She is like sunlight on his skin. But it can come to no good, he’s still a walking corpse and Rey is radiant. What can he possibly offer her? If she didn’t want him before he became this undead thing, she isn’t going to want him now. He could bite her. Make her like him and she would have to stay. But he knows he couldn't do that to her. He made a mistake bringing her back to the airport. Their time has passed and so has he.

“Better go… forget me,” Ben says, recalling what she said to Tallie.

Rey glares at him with hurt and suspicion, as if she knows he got the knowledge from eating her friend’s brain. Or maybe he just has a guilty conscience. 

“I tried,” she says with exasperation. “It turns out you’re hard to get rid of.” 

Ben doesn’t know what to do or say next. Rey isn’t part of his usual routine but it’s a good thing, he thinks. Variety is the spice of life, or so people used to say, and his could use some pepping up.

“Do you have anything I can eat?” she inquires, ignoring what must look to her like a blank stare. “I haven’t had any food since the day before yesterday.” The last part she speaks almost in a whisper and she can’t meet his eye when she says it. 

Rey seems to be ashamed about asking for a basic human need. 

Ben hasn’t had to concern himself with the kind of nutrition she is seeking in he doesn’t remember how long. But he does know a few places he might find something that’s still edible for Breathers. He looks out across the runway. The sun is shining and it looks as if it’s going to be another beautiful spring day. 

“I’ll fetch,” Ben says, miming eating food and then pointing towards the main building. “You… stay.”

Rey shakes her head and follows him to the exit. “You probably don’t remember this about me but I’m an expert scavenger. I’m coming with you.”

“Not… safe,” Ben argues although he can see from her resolute expression it’s pointless. 

“I can take care of myself,” Rey insists, and he doesn’t doubt it. “Anyway, you and I never shared the same taste in food, even before you switched to the zombie diet. You wanted to take me to fancy restaurants, you know the ones with too much cutlery and not enough food on the plates?” She laughs at the recollection. “I made you go with me to this old greasy spoon place, all junk food and chipped crockery. You complained the whole time but you ate every bite of the cheeseburger and fries you ordered, except for the ones I stole. Later on, you told me your dad used to take you to Maz’s all the time when you were a kid.” She looks sad when she finishes the anecdote for reasons Ben can’t comprehend because it sounded like a nice memory.

Ben glances around to make sure the coast is clear and then signals for Rey to join him on the runway. If they’re lucky, they can be in and out before any of the others catch her scent. Everything smells like morning breath when the Undead are around. But like any odour that’s constantly in the air, it becomes an indistinguishable part of the atmosphere. Rey brings a new aroma into the mix that’s both dangerous and invigorating. 

“Need to…” Ben can’t find the rest of the words so he points to the wound on his shoulder and then to her face, indicating she might need a not-so-fresh coat of camouflage paint.

Rey grimaces and takes a sniff at herself under her tattered denim jacket. “Are you sure? I haven’t seen much soap and water of late. You guys probably smell better than I do right now.”

No one has a scent as delicious as hers around here or anywhere else.

“Smell... bad,” Ben says trying to alert her to the danger it poses but he can tell by her face he’s hurt her feelings instead. He can’t undo the misunderstanding by articulating any further though, so he has to let it be.

He leads Rey to a service entrance and into a maze of passages. It’s the back way into the airport shops and food outlets where deliveries once came in. Ben knows the door to Jabba’s Java Hut. He holds up his hand to indicate Rey should wait outside while he checks for lurkers. There is a small storage space and a break room with vending machines to plunder if there’s nobody in their way. Thankfully Ben finds the place unoccupied so he goes to get Rey. Her eyes widen in delight when she sees the variety of snacks on offer. She breaks the ‘in case of an emergency’ glass to get to the fire axe and uses it to open the vending machines. Ben puts his finger to his lips to indicate she should keep the noise down as he keeps watch at the door. 

Rey grabs a discarded backpack from under one of the tables and empties the contents out. There is a box of tampons she keeps and a few bobby pins she slips into her trouser pocket. She needs room in the bag for all the food that’s still edible. The energy bars and hard candies are the things Rey goes for first, along with a few cans of soda. The rest is too far past the expiration date to even risk. But one colourful packet proves too tempting and she reaches for it.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see a pack of Peanut M&Ms again,” Rey groans in a way that’s slightly obscene as she opens the bag and pops a couple into her mouth. 

Ben is so distracted by the noises she’s making he doesn’t notice H approaching. The pale redhead stops to sniff the air, which gives him a chance to close the break room door.

“Go… away,” Ben growls ready to tear into H if he makes any move to get at Rey.

H doesn’t try to go for the door but he doesn’t leave either. His usually inexpressive face looks pensive as if he’s trying to puzzle something out.

“Keeping… secrets,” he eventually says as he glances between Ben and the break room.

If Ben has to, he will kill to keep Rey safe. The others mean nothing to him, Undead or Breathers, but he won’t let anything happen to her. H isn’t much of a threat on his own but he could attract unwelcome attention. He knows Rey would undoubtedly put up a good fight but both of them could be outmatched by a hungry herd. 

“Go… now,” Ben snarls at the ginger peril as menacingly as he’s able.

H stares back at him in defiance but he does eventually walk away. 

Rey opens the door a crack and peeks out. She has the fire axe in her hand raised and ready to do some serious chopping. 

Ben holds his hand up in warning for her to stay put until H is beyond the reach of her scent. If he smells how delicious she is, he’ll ring the dinner bell.

“Hux still walks like he’s got a stick up his arse. Aren’t you guys supposed to be all slouchy?” Rey questions as she zips up her backpack and slings it over her shoulder.

“H...ux?” Ben repeats the name wondering if it will spark some recollection but it doesn’t. 

“Armitage Hux,” Rey says screwing her face up in disgust. “He was one of your Evil Empire underlings. It’s funny the two of you should end up here together when you both hated each other so much.”

Ben isn’t particularly surprised to learn the two of them were acquainted in life and hadn't been friends, because there had always been a kind of negative energy between them. But the part about him having an Evil Empire is surprising. It isn’t as if Ben has been going around under the impression he used to be some sort of saint but surely he wasn’t that bad.

“Evil…?” he queries, not sure if he really wants to know.

Rey presses her lips together, weighing her words before speaking. “The world was fucked up and lots of people made bad choices.” She frowns at him with disapproval. “That doesn’t mean you get a free pass because you don’t. You fucked it up even more. But you believed the First Order, that’s the company you ran, was all you’d got. You had given everything to it. You were cut off from your family and you had no real friends or anyone that really cared about you — until you met me.” Tears run down her cheeks and she impatiently wipes them away as if she’s embarrassed. “I swore I was done crying about the past, but here I am.” 

Rey looks at him as if she’s expecting him to say or do something to make her feel better. Ben briefly contemplates hugging her but she’s got an axe. Maybe if she hadn’t run away from him and they’d got married, things would have turned out differently. Perhaps he would still be alive and able to express himself in more than three or four word sentences. Then again, maybe it was always going to end this way; her with an axe and him not knowing what to say or do to stop her tears.

The way is clear and Ben beckons Rey out of the break room. Once they get out onto the runway, he takes her by the elbow to steer her back towards the freighter plane. 

She shakes her head once she realises his intention. “I need a car,” she explains glancing in the direction of the short-stay parking.

Rey has to leave at some point but Ben’s not ready to part from her yet. How can he ask her to stay for at least one more night? He has no right and he can’t find the right words even if he could justify asking. Instead, he grunts in agreement and guides her in the direction of the long-stay multi-storey car park. The cars in short-stay have been outside exposed to the elements and are more than a little rusty. 

It’s a twenty minute walk but there is no one else around. Rey eats some of her snacks and jokes pre-zombie Ben would be horrified by all the empty calories she’s consuming. But he eats human offal now. So, as unappetising as her food looks, it would be rude of him to criticise.

“Do you want to hear a funny story?” Rey asks, between sips of flat soda. Ben nods even though he can’t recall the last time he laughed at anything. “Well, all right then,” she begins, smiling. “You remember I referred to your company as The Evil Empire, and it was, mostly. But here’s the funny part — do you know what we’re practically living on at the Resistance Compound?” Ben shakes his head, the answer doesn’t seem like it will be amusing whether he guesses it or not. “We eat mostly Foda,” Rey smirks. He doesn’t know what that is and he gives a shrug. “F-o-d-a,” she sounds out. “You know, as in the stuff you feed animals but spelled funny.” 

Ben wonders if the spelling is supposed to be the humorous part of it. His lack of mirth at her story sends Rey into a spasm, almost choking on her soda with laughter. When she gets her breathing back under control, she clears her throat and grins at him. 

“First Order created Foda,” Rey says as if having to explain the punchline of a joke to a stupid person. She then takes pity on him and elaborates further “It was initially developed for astronauts so they could have their daily nutritional needs met by something the size of a Twinkie. FO started mass producing them around six months before the world went to total shit? One of your junior executives, Doph Mitaka, came to the Resistance a few weeks after. He told us about a contingency plan the First Order had for apocalypse level events called Project Exegol. He didn’t know where all the underground production and storage facilities were located but he knew the location of one here in Coruscant.”

Ben isn’t sure what response Rey is expecting to this history lesson, if any. He doesn’t remember running a mostly-Evil-Empire and he’s not particularly sorry about that. It sounds like the kind of job that sucks out a person’s soul and consumes their life piece by piece until there’s nothing left. Maybe he turned into a zombie long before he got bit.

“Anyway, Foda is what I imagine must be like to eat hay everyday,” she says glumly, her jollity now gone. “I guess that’s why horses get so excited when someone brings them an apple.”

Ben thinks he understands what she means: there is a difference between a thing that keeps you alive and something that makes you feel alive. Human flesh sort of does both for him, the brain at least. But he imagines what it would be like to take a bite from a big red juicy apple. For a second, it’s so real to him, he can almost taste it.

Their arrival at the long-stay car park jolts him from his fantasy. Rey begins her search for a suitable vehicle to work on while Ben wanders aimlessly around. He finds himself drawn to a white two-seater convertible sports car and comes to a halt beside it. Something is gnawing away inside his decaying brain trying to break out.

Rey comes to stand beside him. “Your dad had a ‘77 Corellian Corvette,” she says, providing a possible explanation for his pull towards it. “This one’s a mid-nineties model by the looks of it.” 

She moves around inspecting the wheels, under the hood, and the bodywork. It appears to meet her satisfaction because she nods and digs into her pocket to pull out a bobby pin. In a matter of seconds, Rey picks the lock and climbs inside. She opens the passenger door for him before starting work on hot-wiring the engine. It’s a task she performs with the speed and precision of someone who has done it often. The engine soon hums to life and she lets out a sigh of contentment. 

Rey drives out of the car park and onto the connecting bridge that takes them back to the airport. Ben supposes this is where they will say goodbye and go their separate ways. The silence starts to feel awkward as Rey steals glances at him. Perhaps she is pondering their imminent parting too. In search of a distraction, she puts some music on. There is a CD already loaded and she lets it play. When they reach the end of the bridge she brings the car to a stop. Rey turns the volume up as Mark Knopfler sings about Romeo and Juliet.

She gives him a sad smile. “I know you would probably prefer Rachmaninoff, but you have to admit this song is kind of perfect for us.”

Ben listens to the lyrics as he looks out towards the city. Their relationship does have more than a hint of Shakespearean tragedy about it, he supposes. Romeo is dead but his Juliet can still have a happy ending — it just won’t be with him. Their worlds are too far apart now and the way Rey tells it, they always were. Ben resolves to make sure she gets safely back to the Resistance Compound. _Parting is such sweet sorrow,_ but what else can they do?

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title song is Love Will Tear Us Apart by Joy Division. The other song referenced is Romeo and Juliet by Dire Straits. I know it’s one heck of a coincidence that CD happened to be in the player. But it does happen sometimes when you’re thinking of a song and it comes on the radio or you’re passing by a shop or something and you hear it. I remember one day when I kept hearing ‘I’ll Be There For You’ by the Rembrandts playing everywhere I went. This was long after it was in the charts or when Friends was on TV. Anyway, I’m rambling now... Thank you for taking the time to read my waffle and my fic!


	4. When You’re Gone

_Hold on to my hands_

_I feel I'm sinking, sinking without you_

_And to my mind, everything's stinking_

_Stinking without you..._

Rey lets her hair down and combs through the tangles with her fingers. The quirky three-bun style she favours is practical and a way to retain her individuality but it feels good to let it loose. Her life is usually a relentless schedule of missions, training and maintenance, snatching brief moments of respite here and there to hang out with her friends. For the first time in a long time, Rey has space to breathe. The top is down on the convertible and she enjoys the warmth of the afternoon sun on her skin. 

Now she has a car, she can return to the Resistance Compound anytime she wants. But instead of doing that, Rey has been burning fuel driving on the empty roads around the airport. Currently, they are parked up on one of the runways watching what’s left of the world go by. Ben is as quiet as the grave beside her. Her plan had been to say goodbye to him and never look back. But the longer Rey spends in his company, the harder it is for her to leave. Things were always so intense between them. It was all life or death, which Rey supposes it still is. It is freeing too, being with zombie Ben. He isn’t carrying the weight of his family legacy or his bitterness and regrets. She used to be the yang to his yin, the rainbow after his rainstorm, but he’s strangely less haunted now, despite being Undead. 

When Rey woke that morning and saw Ben beside her, she realised two things. The first was she could let go of the burden she had been carrying of knowing she would have to kill him if their paths ever crossed again. She can’t kill Ben, now or ever. The second was she had been looking at their situation all wrong. Memories of the past and the terrible day he turned had consumed her and she lost sight of the fact he’s unlike any other zombie she’s ever seen. What it all means, Rey isn’t sure yet. 

Maybe Ben is one of many and there are others like him who still have some semblance of self. At present, such possibilities fill her with more unease than comfort. Before coming face-to-face with Ben again, Rey has never considered his kind to be alive in any meaningful way. The accepted wisdom is that nothing of the person they used to be remains. The Undead are a lethal threat to the living and they are exterminated like vermin. But what if some of the zombies she’s killed were reaching out to shake her hand, not bite it? Rey determines she should try to find out more about what’s going on before she leaves, for her own peace of mind if nothing else.

Ben sits unmoving in the driving seat of the convertible staring at the dash. He used to own a sleek TIE Silencer sports in black with a red leather interior. Rey tells him about it and how he drove too fast. She hopes sitting behind the wheel might bring it all back to him, the way you supposedly never forget how to ride a bike, but it doesn’t. Ben can’t remember the Silencer or how to drive even though she can see he’s trying. Rey switches places with him, putting on the wayfarers she found under the passenger seat. 

None of the Undead she’s observed so far have demonstrated anything beyond standard zombie behaviour. Hux might have strung a few words together but he wasn exactly animated. There are others wandering around in the distance and Rey turns her attention to them. She can just about make out the figure of a zombie woman with a zombie girl in tow. Both of them are wearing blue dresses and have long blonde hair. She decides they must be mother and daughter even though there is no meaningful interaction between them. All they are doing is walking in the same direction on a road to nowhere. A part of her aches for them and for herself.

It took some getting used to, having people who care whether she’s alive or dead. Rey didn’t have that growing up. Her parents took her to a street market when she was six years-old. As food had always been scarce, she soon got distracted by a stall selling freshly made doughnuts. While her attention was diverted, her parents slipped away into the crowd. Rey assumed they had simply lost sight of her and were sure to come looking for her, but they never did. She could slap herself for all the years she held onto the belief her parents would return for her one day. But false hope got her through some tough times. 

Rey has friends now who will be frantic and fearing the worst about what’s happened to her. She should hurry back to them. General Organa is likely giving Poe permission to go and blow something up in her honour. Rose will be eating herself up with guilt over the shitshow at the Drugstore. Finn probably organised a search party the second he heard what happened, after chewing out everyone that left her behind. Rey has more people that love and value her than she’s ever had before in her life. She steals a glance at Ben and feels guilty for wanting more.

Her mood has turned maudlin and so she rummages around in the glove compartment, pulling out a handful of CDs from inside. There is Hotel California, Rumours, Let’s Dance and Born In The USA. Whoever the car once belonged to had decent taste in music, even if it was limited to classic albums from the mid-seventies to mid-eighties. Rey selects the Bowie CD and starts the engine. 

Ben is staring at her as she sings along to Modern Love. It doesn’t matter that she doesn’t know all the words. He breaks into a smile when she laughs over messing up the lyrics again. His toothy grin looks a little unnatural because the rest of his face is frozen but it melts her heart all the same. Death hasn’t made Ben any less attractive. He could use a hot shower and a change of clothes but he’s not the only one. Rey will be making full use of her weekly soap ration at the first opportunity. It makes her worry she is some kind of unspeakable deviant for even noticing Ben’s appearance at a time like this, because he is still a zombie when all is said and done. But when she looks at him, the old feelings come rushing back and she has to stop herself from reaching out for his hand. 

“Getting… late,” Ben says, “should… go.”

There are only four or five hours of daylight left and Rey isn’t sure if she can make it back to the compound before it gets dark. 

Ben must see the concern etched on her face. “I… go with… you,” he offers.

There had been a time when Rey would have given almost anything to have him do just that. But she was younger then and believed all things were possible if you wanted them badly enough. Her friends have sacrificed too much since then to see Ben as anything other than a mindless killer. Tallie was the only one she had spoken to about her feelings for Ben and even then she’d left out his name. Finn suspects she's sure, but neither of them have ever been bold enough to say the words out loud. As for Ben’s mother, former-senator and now-General Organa, she believes her son is gone. It is the only way she could reconcile what happened with her husband and grieve for them both. Then there’s Luke Skywalker. The bad blood between him and his nephew went unresolved and the gulf between them is wider now than ever.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea,” Rey sighs, choking up as she rebuffs Ben’s offer. “I don’t know why you’re different. Or why you’re more you, even without all your memories, than I thought you’d be. But you’re still not — I mean you eat people. You ate Tallie’s brain, for goodness sake. I don’t see anyone rallying to the cause for zombie equality. If you come with me, my friends will try to kill you.”

“Dead… already,” Ben shrugs with resignation.

“That’s what I thought. It’s not entirely true though, is it?” Rey argues. “I don’t understand why you saved me or why you haven’t bitten me, when you couldn’t do the same for your father, but you’re not a mindless zombie. I just don’t think anyone at the Resistance Compound would give you a chance to show them you’re not like the others before you got your head blasted off. I don’t want that to happen.”

“My… fa—ther?” Ben asks, although it’s not really a question. 

Rey cringes wishing she hadn’t made mention of what happened with Han. There had been a time she would have relished the chance to strike back at him for it, and perhaps she should. It does confuse her that he can fight his zombie urges when it comes to her but he can’t or won’t do it for anyone else. But then he always did show her special consideration compared to his contempt for everybody else.

“Tell me… Won’t… hurt,” Ben promises, noting her hesitation. He taps his chest. “Dead.”

“Okay, then,” Rey snaps, her confusion and frustration getting the better of her because he should feel something for killing his father and Tallie and all the other lives he’s taken. 

Ben sits silent and grim as she tells him about the day he turned. He doesn’t react to any of it but he won’t look at her when she finishes as if he’s ashamed. Rey takes it as a positive sign because without memories or feelings, she isn’t sure how alive he could actually be. But as she gazes out once more into the distance at the zombie mother and child, she deflates. Echoes of life remain, that’s all. Rey has been searching for something that isn’t there. She needs to leave the Undead to their world and get back to hers.

The corvette’s tank is half empty and she stupidly didn’t collect any fuel to keep in reserve. If they return to the car park, she can make sure she has enough gas to get her back to the compound. Ben has been quiet since she told him about his father and he doesn’t say anything when she tells him her plans for leaving. She drives them to the car park and checks a few of the trunks for a storage can and a length of hose. Ben gets out of the car and follows her around as she collects what she needs. A few of the Undead wander towards them but a growl from her personal zombie bodyguard is enough to curb their enthusiasm. By the time Rey siphons off enough gas to fill the can, they are a fair distance away from the corvette. More of the Undead stream into the car park from a stairwell in front of them blocking their way to it. If Rey is in any doubt she’s outstayed her welcome, this is all the proof she requires. 

“Stay with… me,” Ben cautions positioning himself so she’s behind him.

There are a dozen or more of them and they look hungry.

Ben snarls like a feral dog as the Undead warily advance towards them. His size alone is enough to make them think twice. The others look like Victorian orphans in comparison, reed-thin and pale. 

Rey stupidly left the fire axe in the corvette so she’s unarmed. If all else fails, she might be able to outrun them. She scans the area for something, anything she can use as a weapon. As she spins around, she catches sight of Hux approaching from the opposite direction. He is alone and he picks up pace when he sees the small herd on the other side of them.

“We… eat,” Hux demands zeroing in on Rey.

Ben swings around and socks him on the jaw knocking him to the ground. “No,” he growls.

The small herd stops in its tracks and stares as Rey brandishes her full gas can at them, searching her pockets for a lighter. 

Hux scrambles to his feet glaring at them as he straightens up. “Girl is food,” he hisses.

“No,” Ben repeats ready to throw another punch. “This is… Rey. We… leaving.”

“They… kill us. We kill… them,” Hux states refusing to back down.

Ben stands resolute. “Things can… change.”

One of the herd dares to step forward, a Mark Zuckerberg type in a previous life. He is on the ground with his head smashed in before the others can react. Ben deliberately scrapes the sole of his boot along the ground to get the brains off in a show of dominance to the rest of the herd. Hux backs away and the others stay frozen in place watching as Rey makes a break for the corvette. 

Ben goes after her. “Safer… together,” he insists as he gets into the passenger seat.

Rey doesn’t argue as she jumps behind the wheel and starts the engine. Soon they are roaring past the herd and out onto the road beyond. She figures she can stop the car once they’re clear and say goodbye to Ben. But instead, she puts the Springsteen CD in and keeps on driving. 

He tells her he will only go with her as far as the walls that surround the compound and he’ll stay out of sight. All he wants is for her to be safe. Rey puts her foot on the brake and gives Ben a hug. She doesn’t linger long enough for him to reciprocate but she brushes his cold cheek with her lips before turning back to the road. Dancing In The Dark plays and she finds it hits differently now she can relate to the lyrics.

To pass the time, she tells Ben more about his mother and uncle and how they practically keep the Resistance going. He doesn’t remember his past quarrels with his family so none of it really matters now. But Rey feels she ought to explain more about how things got to where they did with them. Ben’s fractious behaviour and his parents’ inability to understand him had been at the root of it all. But their relationship broke down entirely after his Uncle Luke accused him of passing sensitive secrets to The First Order to undercut SkyCorps, the family business, and Han and Leia believed the worst. In the end, it turned out to be industrial espionage by a hacker known as Ren. Ben found out the truth, and ended up accepting a job offer from The First Order’s CEO, A.C. Snoke. He changed his name to Kylo Ren in bitterness and to spite his family.

Most of the freeway is snarled up with rusting trucks and cars so they have to take diversionary routes along back roads. Storm clouds gather as they reach the outskirts of the city. Thunder rumbles in the distance and fat droplets of rain hit the windshield. The dark sky splits with lightning and unleashes a deluge soaking them to the bone before they can get the convertible roof up. Rey stops the car and tries to do it manually but it’s stuck fast. There doesn’t appear to be any option other than to seek shelter until the storm passes. She drives them to a residential area where the townhouses were once part of the American Dream. Now they’re just crumbling relics of a bygone era.

“This one looks okay,” Rey says, pulling up outside a place with unbroken windows and overgrown hanging baskets.

It is the kind of house she might once have dreamed of living in, complete with a family of her own and a big shaggy pet dog.

Ben follows her to the door and she uses the fire axe to break the lock. His raven hair is plastered to his head and she can see his ears peeking out. He always took such pains to cover them, conscious of the teasing he’d suffered over their size when younger. Rey finds them as adorable now as she did the first time she saw them and she can’t help smiling. 

While Ben surveys the living room, she goes in search of the kitchen. The cupboards haven’t been totally cleared out and there are candles and few kerosene lamps. Rey checks upstairs and she finds a couple of towels. The place has suffered some water damage from burst pipes and part of the ceiling is down but the master bedroom is still habitable. She looks for dry clothing but finds nothing to fit either of them. There is one room Rey hasn’t been in and she opens the door to find a brightly painted nursery. Before she can stop herself, she walks over to the empty crib, picking up an abandoned toy rabbit from the floor on the way. 

It’s said you can’t miss what you’ve never had but Rey isn’t sure that’s true. Maybe it is when it’s something beyond your imagination, but not when you almost held it in your hands and it slipped through your fingers. She places the rabbit into the crib and leaves the nursery.

Ben is sitting on the couch in the living room when she returns downstairs. He looks different somehow. Cleaner after the rain shower, for sure, but also more like his old self. She hands him a towel as she wipes away the last of her tears. If he can tell she’s been crying, he doesn’t say anything about it.

“It’s getting dark out,” Rey notes as she pulls the curtains closed and ignites one of the lamps. “It’s probably best if we stay here tonight. One of the beds is usable and there’s some dry blankets in the closet.” She blushes realising she’s implying they could sleep together. 

“I… stay here. Keep… watch,” Ben says, clearly attempting to spare her further embarrassment.

Rey knows she has no right to feel disappointed. What good could come of them sharing a bed anyway? She busies herself going through the cans and jars in the cupboards deciding what to eat. It’s nice to have a choice for a change.

Rey calls out to Ben “Can I get you something?” She brings a selection of cans with her into the living room.

He shakes his head. 

“There’s corned beef.” Rey lifts up the can to entice him.

“Wrong...kind of… meat,” Ben says and she grimaces.

“But you’re not like the others,” she argues. “They wanted to eat me and you wouldn’t let them. Maybe you can stop eating other people too.”

Ben shakes his head again. “I’ll die… really die.”

Rey doesn’t want that and it sounds as if he doesn’t, either. 

It’s not her fault there’s nothing for him to eat, but she feels guilty anyway. Not so much that it spoils her enjoyment of the corned beef with tinned pineapple rings for dessert, though. It is a veritable feast next to her daily Foda rations at the compound.

Rey wonders what her friends would say if they could see her now. Rose might be open to the possibilities Ben represents if not for what happened to her sister. Paige had been on the frontline of defence for The Resistance in the early days when the numbers of the Undead were overwhelming. There had been a real danger they would run out of food and other essentials if the supply teams couldn’t do their jobs. Paige had been part of the explosives unit, setting charges to divert and kill as many of the mega-herd from around the compound as possible. But the mission turned into a disaster. The detonator was lost in a surprise zombie attack and Paige sacrificed herself to retrieve it. She managed to set off the explosions as the herd descended upon her.

Everyone Rey knows has lost someone dear to them. The cost of continuing survival is watching people you love get picked off one by one. It’s no way to live and a terrible way to die.

Ben puts down the gossip magazine he’s been pretending to read while she ate dinner. “You’re… shaking,” he observes.

Rey had got so lost in her thoughts she hadn't realised how cold she is until now.

“I should probably take these wet clothes off,” she says, clenching her teeth to stop them from chattering.

Ben hands her the towel she brought for him. The cold and wet doesn’t bother him so he hasn’t used it. Rey drapes it over her shoulders like a cape and goes upstairs to get undressed. Ben goes to get the spare blankets from the closet. He comes into the bedroom at the point where she’s stood in nothing but her underwear. The blood rushes to her cheeks and she’s glad of the brief warmth it brings. He doesn’t look away and she stands staring back at him remembering the last time they were alone together like this. 

Ben drops his gaze and turns to leave. “I should… go.”

“Stay,” Rey begs as she gets into the bed and pulls the blankets around her.

He doesn’t refuse but she can see he’s uncertain.

“I don’t suppose you’ve got much in the way of body heat,” she jests to lighten the mood. “It’s just…” Rey trails off because what does she want from him? “For old times sake.”

Nothing can happen, but her thighs clench involuntarily at the thought of all the things they’ve done in bed together in the past. She wonders if he remembers too. He is looking at her the way he used to, like he made a wish on a star and got exactly what he wished for. 

Ben steps tentatively towards her and Rey shuffles over to make room for him. She stays cocooned up in the blankets as he lies down next to her.

“I’m… sorry,” he says after they’ve been lying together in silence for a while.

Rey is hovering on the edge of sleep. “What for?” she asks, her eyes snapping open to meet his solemn gaze. 

“Everything.” 

Rey gives him a sad smile and then turns to face the wall, her tears dripping onto the musty-smelling pillow. Whatever fanciful notions she has entertained about them somehow keeping in touch after this need to stop. There can be no more secret rendezvous. Rey hid her relationship with Ben from her friends before and she won’t do it again. Dreams are all well and good but you can’t lose yourself to them and that’s exactly what Rey is in danger of doing now. Ben being different from the regular kind of zombie sparked hope in her that she could fix things. In the end though, it’s futile. He still has to eat people in order to keep what’s left of his life. Ben told Hux that things can change but this is as good as it can get. For a second, Rey let herself believe she could bring the world back. Bring him back. But, as with her parents, it’s turned out to be just another mirage. 

This is the end of the road for them.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Forgive the gratuitous 80s song mentions In this chapter. I really wanted to get Dancing In The Dark in there somehow because I think the lyrics fit what’s going on in this chapter. I almost made it the title song. It was that or Go Your Own Way by Fleetwood Mac at one point (hence the appearance of Rumours among the CD choices). But I got sidetracked listening to a cover of Go Your Own Way by the late, great Delores O’Riordan. That it turn led to me revisiting The Cranberries back catalogue and rediscovering When You’re Gone. 
> 
> Anyway, please do let me know your thoughts on this chapter (and the music too, if you’re so inclined). Thank you.


	5. Can’t Fight This Feeling

  
  


_My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you_

_I've been running around in circles in my mind_

_And it always seems that I'm following you, girl_

_'Cause you take me to the places_

_That alone I'd never find…_

Ben knows their time together is almost up. Rey is sleeping beside him and he tries to commit each freckle on her nose to memory. He gazes at her mouth recalling how her lips brushed against his cheek after they left the airport. It was only for a fraction of a second but he swears he can still feel the warmth radiating from her touch. The past is still foggy but the present is in sharper focus than it’s been for a long while. It’s ironic really, to be gaining such clarity at a time where forgetting would be easier. Ever since Rey told him about his father, it feels like a knife twisting in his guts. It hurts, and nothing has given him pain for a long time. The idea of losing Rey makes Ben want to rip his own heart out. 

He closes his eyes, not to sleep, but he does anyway. 

_‘Hey, kid,’ his father greets him with a rueful smile. He is standing next to his beloved Millennium Falcon, getting ready for one last flight. ‘I guess you don’t remember the first time I brought you out here. Your mother had to go out of town on business and we were between nannies so I had to bring you to work with me. You had been to the airport before, you’d even been on a plane before, but I wanted the first time you saw the Falcon to be special. I had been fixing her up, getting her ready to fly again. You hadn’t learned how to talk yet but I could tell you were excited. I took you up into the cockpit and we sat looking out at the runway. I promised I’d take you flying with me someday. You reached for the lucky dice I kept hanging above the controls and held them in your chubby little fist. All we had then were blue skies ahead, kid.’_

_Ben might not remember that day but memories of his father leaving on that plane without him come flooding back. All the times Han went away when he needed him to stay. But his father did keep his promise to take him flying. The world below them looked so small from above as they soared higher than the clouds._

_‘Dad…’_

_‘I know, son,’ Han says, reaching out to stroke his face. ‘It’s not too late.’_

_Ben wants to argue, to scoff that he’s dead, that they both are. But, instead, he nods and turns to look up at the sky. When he turns back, his father is gone._

He is dreaming, Ben realises as he opens his eyes. A non-brain-eating induced dream because, apparently, he has those now. He jolts up and then stills again, recalling Rey is sleeping beside him. Except, when he looks down expecting to see her sweet face, she isn’t there. He rolls off the bed and goes in search of her. 

It is a drab morning but at least the storm has passed. Ben hopes Rey hasn’t left without so much as a goodbye. He soon discovers she’s nowhere in sight and the corvette is gone too. It was always going to end this way, he knows that. Did he picture them living in this decaying suburbia? Maybe adopting a couple of zombie kids? Rey could have taught them how to fix up cars and he could have instructed them on the finer points of zombie cuisine. It’s ridiculous — he’s ridiculous.

Goodness knows how long it’s been since they were in a relationship together. Rey has probably found herself a nice, Regular Joe at the Resistance Compound by now. She deserves the best Joe there is, someone without daddy issues and every other kind of family member issues, that hasn’t been the head of an evil empire. Rey might not have wanted Kylo Ren but Ben Solo had been equally as fucked up from what he’s learned. Probably best to accept it is never going to work for them in this life or any other.

It’s time he got back to his world and stopped trying to be someone he’s not. Everyone is dust in the wind in the end. Perhaps he will meet a band of Breathers on his way back to the airport and they’ll put him out of his misery. That or he can grab a bite and get lost in someone else’s life for a while. Ben stops at the thought of food, he hasn’t eaten anything since he last gorged on the remnants of Tallie’s brain. He reaches into his pocket to find a small, pitifully grey lump is all that remains. It disgusts him and he throws it atop an open wheelie bin already overflowing with years of uncollected garbage. The whole world is landfill now.

The storm has left the sky grey and the air misty. Ben starts his long walk back to the airport through derelict neighbourhoods and looted, burned out stores. He passes billboards advertising the kind of unnecessary junk that people were once convinced they couldn’t live without. A person would queue for hours, even camp outside a store for days, to get the latest game or i-gadget. It is all flooding back to him now. The desperation of people to fill the void inside by consuming more and more until nothing remained. In that respect, life is the same as it ever was.

Not all who wander are lost but Ben doesn’t know where the fuck he is. The airport herd has never made it into this part of the city and he’s not sure in which direction he should turn. He spots an overgrown public park up ahead. The explosion of colourful blossoms on the untamed trees draws him in. His feet are moving almost against his will. There is a rusty bench by a pond and he takes a seat. Ben doesn’t need to rest. It’s just that he has been surrounded by death and decay for so long, it’s good to be in a place bursting with life and colour.

There is a family of ducks on the pond and he gets lost in watching them. The six little ducklings get caught up in the thick moss that’s gathered on the surface but they keep on swimming. When they reach the water’s edge, they hop out one by one. The smallest duckling can’t quite make it. It jumps and flaps its useless tiny wings to no avail. The other ducks quack frantically until the father gets back in the water and gives the little duckling the nudge it needs to make the leap. Ben continues to watch as they waddle off out of sight.

At some point he must have closed his eyes because he’s dreaming again.

_Tallie takes a drag from the joint and passes it to Rey. ‘So that guy — the guy, were you with him when he died?’_

_She takes a long pull on the cigarette and then slowly blows out the smoke._

_‘Hey, I’m sorry,’ Tallie says. ‘It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it.’_

_Rey passes the joint back to her. ‘I saw him turn but we weren’t together then.’_

_‘Fuck, it still must have been rough for you.’ Tallie takes a drag and flicks away the ash as Rey nods. ‘Did your relationship end badly?’_

_‘He asked me to marry him,’ Rey blurts out, bursting into uncontrollable giggles afterwards._

_Tallie joins in for no reason other than she’s as high as a kite. She sobers trying to make sense of the situation. ‘You loved him but he wasn’t the one?’_

_Rey breathes deeply to calm herself as she considers her reply. ‘He was the one.’_

_Ben knows it’s a dream because he’s suddenly there with them like it’s a play and he just walked on stage. It is more than the residual memories of the young woman whose brain he ate._

_He turns to Rey and she looks back at him, her eyes challenging him to speak, so he does. ‘If I am the one, why do you keep leaving me?’_

_She sighs in frustration as if he should already know the answer._

_Ben feels his anger rising. ‘You’re just like my family and Snoke, always wishing I could be someone other than I am and rejecting me when I fall short.’_

_Rey has a hard expression on her face. ‘Do you know what I wanted?’ He shakes his head because he really doesn’t. ‘All I ever wanted was for you to be yourself — to be Ben Solo. Not the son your parents wanted or the nephew your uncle wanted. And definitely not the obedient attack dog Snoke wanted. You’re the one who didn’t believe in Ben Solo or that he was good enough for anyone. He was everything to me.’ Rey gets up and walks away._

_Tallie turns her gaze on him. He is expecting anger, hatred, or whatever the appropriate emotion is when confronted with the creature that ate your brain._

_‘I know what you’re thinking,’ she laughs at the absurdity of it, ‘or, maybe, it’s you who knows what I’m thinking.’_

_‘I’m sor…’ he begins but Tallie waves away his apology._

_‘Just make it count, okay? That’s all I ask for. I don’t want to be dead, who does? But if that’s what it took, if my death is the catalyst and this is what exhumes the world, I think it’s worth it, don’t you?’_

_Ben isn’t sure who he was or who he is but he knows something is happening. Change is in the air. It is inside of him. He can feel he's not the same today as he was yesterday or the day before..._

He opens his eyes and gets to his feet. Once he gets to the park gates, he looks up the street in one direction and then the other. Ben lets instinct guide him and it says he should go left. This, whatever it is that’s occurring, is giving him purpose the likes of which he hasn’t had since he can’t remember when. He can’t go back to rot away in a pale imitation of the past. All he can do is keep moving forward and see where the road takes him.

Eventually, Ben reaches a part of the city he does recognise. Monument Plaza Shopping Mall has yielded rich pickings in the past but he’s not on the hunt for food this time. A small herd emerges from a nearby underpass and Ben prepares to square up to them. Some of the Undead can get territorial and will literally rip apart the competition. He isn’t after the same thing they are but they don’t know that. As they grow closer, Ben realises they’re from the airport and Hux is the one leading them.

“Don’t get in my way,” he warns, surprised at the relative ease with which he’s speaking. 

Hux stands his ground. “Came… to find… you,” he says, sounding desperate. “Something’s… happening. Changing.” He jabs at his chest and then gestures to the dozen or so Undead behind him.

Ben glares at him impatiently. However, the closer he looks the more he sees there is something different about him. The redhead has always had good posture for a zombie but he’s standing straighter than he ever has and he looks more alert too. The small herd also appears more focused than he remembers them. He knows he and Hux have never been friends, and he doesn’t recall sharing so much as a grunt with any of the others, but they’re going through some sort of collective identity crisis right now. 

Ben beckons them to sit with him at the nearby Golden Arches. The remnants of abandoned meals are remarkably well-preserved, more so than some of the Undead seated at the tables.

“I can… feel things,” he begins. “I am sleeping — dreaming.”

“Me... too,” Hux says half in wonderment and half bewilderment. “I remembered… Boy Scouts… Tarine tea … a cute... girl… Rose… I think.”

The others nod slowly as if lost in their own old memories.

“We are changing,” Ben agrees, glad not to be alone in this apparent revival.

Hux glances around. “Where’s… Rey?” 

Ben newfound enthusiasm deflates. After the park, he got the crazy notion of going to the Resistance Compound to make sure she arrived there safely, and to declare his undying love for her. He told her he loved her when he first took her back to the airport but he couldn’t remember what love felt like then. His dreams seem to be pointing him in that direction but he’s starting to doubt himself. Is there enough of Ben Solo left for her to still want him?

“She’s gone,” he states flatly. 

“What… going to do?” Hux looks at him expectantly, hopefully, even.

Rey told him the day he turned she had gone with his father to find him. To save him. Things didn’t go the way she hoped but maybe her and his father’s efforts had not been in vain after all. 

Ben makes his mind up. “I want... to go to her.”

“We… help,” Hux offers looking to the others for agreement. 

They nod and grunt their assent. 

The scene is quite comical and Ben grins. It’s as if they’re in some sappy romcom (or should that be a zomcom?) where the male lead is about to make a grand gesture to win back the girl. All it needs is that song with the lyrics ‘I can’t live, if living is without you’ playing in the background and he’s good to go.

His enthusiasm wanes again when he remembers his mother and uncle are also at the compound. Whatever welcome Ben envisages from Rey, he knows he has no right to expect much warmth from his remaining relations. He tries to think positive. This could be an opportunity to make amends and bury the hatchet. Ben only hopes they won’t be burying it in his head.

“Okay…” he says, “let’s do it.”

The ragtag bunch make their way slowly but surely towards the compound. Not all of them are ready to break with old habits just yet and they have to stop for a quick bite to eat along the way. Ben waits down the street while they feed. He doesn’t even get the urge to partake. Hux is more conflicted. He goes with the others but he comes out before them looking paler than usual. None of them speak of what’s happened as they continue onwards, some discreetly wiping their bloodied mouths on their sleeves.

As they approach the compound, Ben directs the gang towards a side alley. If the guards catch sight of them it will be the end of the road for them in more ways than one.

“Wonder if this place has… back door,” he queries out loud. “Usually, not well guarded.”

One of the herd grunts and shambles off beckoning the others to follow.

“Kids… use,” the zombie female explains as she points to a narrow loose panel far from the main gate.

The gap is barely big enough for Ben to squeeze through but he makes it. He stumbles, blinking like a newborn babe, from one world to another. This is it, he’s almost there, all he has to do now is find Rey.

* * *

Rey flops down on her bunk, she’s home but it doesn’t feel like it. Her room is too empty with no one else to fill it. There had been a time when sharing a room was strange to her after the years she’d spent alone and fending for herself. But she’s got used to having other people around. Rey has embraced even the most annoying habits of her various roommates over time. Tallie humming while she fixed her hair became a welcome distraction from the painful memories she tended to dwell on when it all got too quiet.

She hasn’t lost sight of where she is and what she’s got. Finn and Poe were on guard duty when she got back to the main gate. As soon as they saw her, they abandoned protocol and ran to gather her up in a hug. Rey can’t recall ever seeing anyone so happy or relieved to see her alive and well, except for Ben, and she doesn’t want to think about him. To be without him again is like having what’s left of her heart beaten with a mallet. She cried the entire journey back to the compound and almost turned around twice. Rey struggled to look his mother and uncle in the eye when they came to welcome her home. Not only is she being eaten up with guilt, she fears they’ll somehow see the truth about what happened during her time away written in her eyes.

Rey knows she should try to talk to General Organa. Luke won’t want to hear anything about Ben but his mother might listen. The Resistance have built their fortress and cobbled together some semblance of a society, it’s hope for anything beyond survival that’s been lacking. Hardly anyone sings, dances, writes poems or stories, reads books or draws and paints anymore. If there is no practical application for a skill outside of the essentials such as building shelters, making and learning how to use weaponry, growing food and farming animals, it falls by the wayside. The works of Jane Austen might not save a person from a zombie attack. But a good book could make them care about whether they get eaten or not and fight that bit harder to survive so they can go home and read the ending. 

It seems impossible to turn the tide at this point. All Rey can offer as hope is one zombie who can walk and talk like he’s at least half alive. It won’t be enough. She knew that already, it’s why she saw Ben sleeping and decided to spare herself another painful goodbye. But it still hurts and the pain isn’t going away.

There is a knock at the door and Rose announces herself asking if she can come in. Things have been awkward between them since Rey returned despite her making it clear she harbours no ill-feelings.

“You didn’t come to dinner so I brought you these.” Rose gives her a tentative smile as she holds up a Foda bar and juice box.

Rey invites her in and goes over to get the backpack she brought with her. It’s still packed full with plunder from the airport vending machines. 

“I’ve got something better than that crap,” she beams, pulling out a packet of Peanut M&Ms. “The sugar has crystallised but they still taste pretty good.”

“Oh, my god,” Rose squeals as she takes them and pops a couple into her mouth.

“Not bad, huh?” Rey grins, taking a few for herself.

“I know I’ve said it like a thousand times already, but I’m so sorry.” Rose reaches for her hand. “I can’t imagine what hell you must have been through these last couple of days, out there all on your own.”

Rey bites her bottom lip, she’s itching to confide in a friend and Rose can keep a secret. “I wasn’t on my own,” she confesses. The other woman’s eyes widen in surprise but she doesn’t interrupt. “I met someone — a guy I knew before.” Rey knows she’s going to need to go further back to fully explain. “Do you recall that protest rally against The First Order? We camped out overnight to save that ancient forestland and chained ourselves to trees, remember?”

Rose thinks hard for a moment before breaking into a wide smile. “Yeah, I remember. Hey, didn’t I bite that Hux guy’s finger when he pointed at us and called us Resistance scum?” They both laugh at the memory. “He was kinda cute as I recall. Too bad he was such a jerk.”

Rey’s cheeks grow hot. “The thing is — I met Kylo Ren that day. The two of us kind of had a, well, a connection. I thought it was over but…”

“Wait a second,” Rose begins as realisation dawns upon her. “Isn’t Kylo Ren — Ben Solo — isn’t he dead?”

Rey heaves a weary sigh before telling all about their past relationship and their reunion at the Drugstore. 

“Wow,” Rose exclaims when she’s finished, taking a moment to digest the news. 

“Do you think I did the right thing running out on Ben like that? I mean isn’t there an opportunity for some kind of dialogue here?” Rey hopes against hope her friend can see a solution she’s missed as unlikely as it may be.

“I understand where you’re coming from on this, I really do, but I don’t see a way we can live in harmony. Even if all the Undead behaved like Ben, they still need to eat us to survive. I don’t see people volunteering to donate themselves to Zombie Aid. As for opening up a debate — human beings have never been good at talking to each other when they could be killing each other instead,” Rose sighs in frustration. 

Rey slumps her shoulders in defeat. But then, some words from the past come to her and she straightens up, smiling. “Hey, do you remember the speech you gave back at that protest rally?”

Rose purses her lips in concentration before giving an enthusiastic nod. “I said — That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.”

“We’ve been doing too much of the former and not enough of the latter, if you ask me,” Rey argues.

Rose agrees. “So where do we go from here?”

“I need to talk to General Organa,” Rey frowns knowing it won’t be easy. “I’ll schedule a meeting for tomorrow if possible. The sooner the better.”

The two fall into silent contemplation until Rose attempts to lighten the mood with a little dark humour. “Can zombies still — you know?” she asks, waggling her eyebrows suggestively.

Rey is aghast. “What? No! I mean I don’t think so.”

“So you and Ben didn’t try to raise the dead,” Rose giggles.

“It’s bad enough that I still think he’s hot,” Rey confesses, mortified.

“Hey, there’s no judgement here. It’s not easy to get a date these days.” Rose is only half joking.

The pair of them laugh and eat more expired candy than is good for anyone. They talk about all the things they want to do and all the places they want to see. No one dares to contemplate the future these days and that’s got to change. If you can’t imagine the future, you can’t see yourself in it. Rey is sick of hearing about ‘The Good Old Days’. If they were so damn good how did they get to where they are now? There is good and bad in every era. Even post-Zombie Apocalypse, they smile when friends return safely from salvage missions and laugh when they’ve had one too many shots of moonshine. 

“Do you hear something?” Rose asks, tilting her head to one side and listening hard.

Rey puts down the roll of Life Savers they’re sharing and goes out onto the small balcony beyond the open window. Someone is calling her name in a low voice from below. She looks down and lets out a gasp. It can’t be, but it is.

“Ben?” 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title song is Cant Fight This Feeling by REO Speedwagon. I also reference Without You by Nilsson (I cant live, if living is without you...) Also, the line about us all being dust in the wind in the end came from Dust In The Wind by Kansas. 
> 
> I decided to go with Ben and Rey’s POV in this chapter and I will do the same in chapter 6 too. I may need to add an epilogue making 7 chapters in total. I’ll see how long the next one gets.
> 
> Thank you all for taking the time to read this fic and please do leave a comment.


	6. If I Had You

_I could change the world_

_If I had you…_

Rey is aghast to see Ben standing on the street below her. “Stay in the shadows, I’ll be right down,” she instructs him in hushed tones, obviously worried about drawing anyone else’s attention.

Once they are face to face again, she tells him off. It isn’t the swooning reunion he had been hoping for but at least it shows she cares.

“You’re lucky Finn and Poe aren’t around, or Kay!” she exclaims. “What if someone had realised who you are and decided to take a shot?” 

Ben shrugs because getting to her had been surprisingly easy. Once he got through the gap in the compound’s defences, he kept his head down and carried on. He passed a few people on his way to find Rey but no one had given him a second glance. Everyone seemed to be caught up in their own world of troubles or busy with a vital task in an attempt to keep some kind of order amid the chaos. 

The place is a strange mix of a shanty town and a refugee camp situated between blocks of existing buildings from the pre-apocalypse era. It isn’t what he expected, not that he spent much time imagining what it would be like inside these walls. As a consumer, Ben didn’t need to know how the sausage got made. He just knew the compound kept pumping out warm bodies for him to feed on and that’s all that mattered. Now, he has had his fill of death, it’s his appetite for life that’s driving him forwards.

“Wanted to be sure you’re… safe,” Ben explains. “Didn’t say… goodbye.”

Rey looks down at her feet as if she’s embarrassed but when she meets his gaze he can see her tears. “I’m so sick of goodbyes,” she cries.

“Me too.” 

Ben opens his arms and she goes to him, burying her face in his chest and hugging him tightly.

“You took a big risk coming here and I don’t know what’s going to happen next,” Rey sniffles, lifting her head so she can look into his eyes again, “but I am glad you came.”

Her watery smile makes him want to kiss her. The way her gaze moves to his lips, he thinks maybe she feels the same. His hands move to her face and he leans in. But as their mouths are about to meet, she ducks her head. Ben tries not to be too disappointed because he is still Undead, if not quite as much of a stiff as he used to be. Maybe he just has a bad case of mourning breath. His ability to come up with a pun at a time like this, as bad as it is, manages to lift his spirits somewhat. 

There are voices in the distance but they’re growing closer. Rey grabs his hand. “We should get inside. Come on,” she commands, pulling him urgently towards the entryway.

A short woman wearing a khaki jumpsuit with black hair pulled back into a ponytail is keeping watch. She has the fiercest glare Ben has ever seen. He can tell that, although she’s small in stature, she isn’t to be underestimated. She reminds him of his mother. Ben is surprised at the realisation he remembers things about Leia he hasn’t been informed of by Rey. He almost loses his footing as he’s hustled up the stairs to the second floor because he’s distracted by memories of his mother replaying in his mind.

“Watch your step, big guy,” the short woman warns with a look that says she is referring to more than his clumsiness.

Once they’re inside Rey’s room, the woman introduces herself as Rose. Ben idly wonders if she’s the same girl Hux mentioned. It’s a long shot, but stranger things have happened and she is the dictionary definition of cute. He stands awkwardly by the door while the two women argue about what to do with him. Rose makes a jibe about his appetite, mostly on account of Ben eating Rey’s last roommate, and he’s back to being the centre of attention.

“You didn’t hurt anyone on your way here, did you?” Rey inquires, her tight expression betraying how anxious she is about his reply.

“No… not hungry,” Ben assures her.

Rey overcompensates for her doubts with effusive praise, like a mother who just found out it wasn’t her kid that broke the neighbour’s window. “Good, that’s very, very good.” She turns back to her friend. “See, I told you he’s different.” 

Rose nods in agreement despite the sceptical look in her eyes. “You know I’ll help in any way I can but it’s not going to be easy.”

Rey reaches out and gives her friend’s arm a gentle squeeze. “I know,” she sighs digging into her dwindling reserves of optimism. “I also know it’s not even a tiny pinprick of light at the end of the tunnel when the whole world is overrun, but it’s a step in the right direction.”

“A baby step,” Rose adds before offering yet another amendment. “A baby ant step.”

“Maybe, but an ant with high hopes,” Rey winks and smiles as her friend rolls her eyes at her corny joke.

She sees Ben is confused and explains it’s a reference to a Frank Sinatra song. He shrugs so she sings him a few lines to try and jog his memory.

_“Just what makes that little old ant_

_Think he'll move that rubber tree plant_

_Anyone knows an ant, can't_

_Move a rubber tree plant_

_  
But he's got high hopes…”_

It does sound kind of familiar. Ben thinks his dad might have liked Sinatra and he says so which earns him a smile from Rey. Whatever happens next, he knows he would move heaven and earth to give her more reasons to keep smiling.

He has one already. “Others... are changing too,” he tells her, regarding Hux and the rest of the Lazarus collective waiting outside the walls.

“Really?” Rey says it like she wants to believe it’s true but he can see she’s conflicted. “It's just — I looked for signs back at the airport but none of them seemed to be conscious in the way you are.”

Ben pictures the people he saw inside the compound on his way to find her. He could almost have been back at the airport for how drab and blank they appeared to be. He knows they weren’t Undead by their smell but their eyes were almost as dull as his.

“They just need… some inspiration. We have to help… them. All of them,” he states.

Ben doesn’t have the answer to the question of how to fix the world. He only has a belief it’s possible if enough people are willing to come together and try. Maybe it won’t work out but there’s a chance, which is more than they’ve got now.

“Perhaps it’s fate,” Rey muses. “Before you got here, I decided I have to go and talk to your mother and tell her about you. If she can see for herself how you’re changing, it might make all the difference.”

The prospect of seeing his mother again is more than a little scary. Even though he’s technically the scarier one, being a zombie and all. In the few memories Ben has of his mom she’s loving and understanding, but he doubts that’s the version of Leia Organa he’ll be meeting this time. She is the General — the widow, thanks to him, and not his mother.

“You don’t look rotten,” Rose interjects, rousing him from his fears. She inspects him with a critical eye. “I mean you’re still open-casket material for a guy that’s been dead as long as you have, but if you’re going to see the General it wouldn’t hurt to freshen up a little.”

Rey turns her attention to a door at the other side of the room and she goes to open it revealing a small bathroom. “I suppose he could take a shower but we would need to get him some clean clothes from somewhere as well as a whole month’s worth of soap and shampoo.”

Before Ben can proffer any opinion on the matter he finds himself being shoved in the direction of the bathroom by Rose. She is also pulling at his clothing for some unknown reason. “What size are you anyway? I’m guessing Sasquatch.” She gestures for him to bend down so she can look for labels on his shirt. “I don’t see anything,” she huffs in frustration, looking him up and down in an attempt to gauge his measurements. “No one around here is this big, that’s for sure. It’s your goddamn Foda stunting everyone’s growth. It’s probably one of the unlisted side effects along with the constipation.”

Ben doesn’t doubt The First Order was unscrupulous, and Foda likely didn’t have had legitimate FDA approval, but he’s pretty sure it’s not responsible for most people being shorter than him. In his limited recollection, he always stood out in a crowd.

“We can just get his clothes laundered and mended,” Rey suggests as she goes to the chest of drawers and pulls out a towel. Her cheeks redden as she turns her attention back to Ben. She can’t bring herself to make eye contact with him as she hands him the towel and gives him instructions. “Here, take this and leave your stuff on the bathroom floor. I’ll come in and get it once you’re in the shower.”

“I’ll fetch some soap and shampoo,” Rose says, already on her way out of the door. “I’ll see if I can find a toothbrush too because those teeth need some serious cleaning.”

Ben looks at the towel in his hands and then glances inside the small bathroom, which is basically just a toilet, sink and shower cubicle. He can’t recall the last time he used any of those things. It’s not like any amount of soap and water can wash away all the sins he’s committed during his life and death. But he has a faint memory of feeling hot water spraying against his skin and how refreshing it is to wash off the cares of the day. Ben has years of blood and dirt weighing him down.

Rose returns with a bottle of shampoo and some body wash. She hands them to him and makes a quip about being sorry she can’t stick around for the zombie strip show. Ben likes her sass but he isn’t ready for an audience. He doesn’t even know what his body looks like under all these layers. It’s been a long time since he cared about such things. He looks at his reflection in the mirror above the sink and his gaze settles on his considerable nose before moving to his ears which are protruding through his lanky hair. Ben hopes he never regains the memories of the teasing he must have suffered as a result of his prominent facial features. People can be so cruel.

Once he strips off his clothing, he shouts to let Rey know he’s getting into the shower. He watches the shape of her through the opaque glass of the screen as she retrieves his clothes from the floor.

“Don’t use up too much water,” she warns. “Everything is rationed around here.”

As the spray hits his skin and starts to cascade down over him, Ben closes his eyes to savour the moment. It's a different sensation to getting rained on. He can feel the warmth diffusing through him like there’s blood pumping around his system again. He lathers up his hair and dares to take a peek at his body. Pre-zombie Ben must have been a regular at the gym because he’s built and thankfully nothing is bloated or sagging. His skin tone is decidedly post-mortem and he’s got more than a few battle scars, but it could be worse.

Rey has gone to launder his clothes and Ben is left with nothing else to wear except for the towel. After he’s dried himself off from the shower it hangs damp and heavy around his waist. He sits on the edge of one of the two narrow beds and waits. A collage of blue butterflies hanging on the wall catches his eye. Next to it, there is a shelving unit that has been situated to catch the sunlight and it’s adorned with plant pots of various sizes. Some have little seedlings pushing through the soil. Others have blooming flowers and succulents growing in them. In between the plants are small keepsakes he assumes were collected by Rey. It reminds him of his own collection back at the airport. But maybe they belonged to Tallie. Ben glances over at the empty bed she once slept on, the one he assumes he’ll be sleeping tonight, and guilt gnaws at him. He imagines Tallie is standing in front of him looking unimpressed, ‘ _Hey, would you jump in my grave as quick?’_

Ben has been room-temperature for so long it surprises him when he notices a chill in the air. The window is open allowing a cool breeze to blow in. He goes to close it being careful not to be seen. Rey told him not to answer the door if anyone knocked and to stay out of sight. As he approaches the window, Ben hears her voice on the street below. He sneaks a look and sees her talking with a handsome man wearing army fatigues. 

“I’m fine, really,” Rey insists as the man puts his hand on her shoulder.

He’s standing close enough to her as it is and now he’s touching her. Ben gets the urge to break something. The rest of their conversation is drowned out by a gaggle of children running past the window. Some of the kids are excited to see ‘Miss Rey’ and ask if she’s going to come and read them a story again soon. She promises she will. Others salute ‘Commander Dameron’ and he salutes them back.

Ben leaves the window open and returns to the bed. His foot hits something on the floor as he goes to sit down. It’s a brown leather-bound journal. He bends to pick it up, almost losing his towel in the process but he manages to hold it on with one hand as he retrieves the book with the other. As he flips the cover, Ben sees Rey has been documenting her time with the Resistance. The pages are filled with notes and pencil drawings of people’s faces. He finds Poe Dameron’s likeness a few times, alone and with others. Tallie is there too. Rey has captured her in a happy moment and she has the sweetest smile. It is an image of his mother that brings Ben to a halt. Leia has more lines on her face than he remembers. She still has the same look of determination but there is such sadness in her eyes, it’s like a punch to his gut. Ben is filled with confusion when he sees a drop of water splatter onto the paper. It can’t be from the shower because he’s dried off since then. He belatedly realises his cheeks are wet with tears. The Undead can’t cry but that doesn’t seem to be stopping him.

* * *

“I keep saying we need to cleanse some of these zombie hotspots. Those Dead-heads have had it too easy since we stopped the regular sweeps.” 

Rey isn’t really listening to Poe, her mind is focused on Ben. Or, more specifically, on Ben possibly being wrapped in nothing but a towel in her bedroom. 

“Skywalker is always disappearing into the woods and the General has been off her game for a while, I’m thinking we need to take the initiative here. We need to wipe the Undead out or we’ll never get the world back on track.”

Rey is startled back to the present by Poe’s plans for total zombie annihilation. “What if they could get better?” She asks, throwing him for a loop.

“You know they’re not people anymore, right?” he retorts. “How the hell can walking corpses ‘get better’?” Poe does the air quote thing with his fingers which annoys her even more. “What’s with you, anyway? You’ve been off since you got back.”

“I’m just tired, I guess.” Rey gives him an excuse, not wanting to further raise his suspicions. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Poe watches her go with a look of concern. 

She hurries away from him and back to her room. As Rey climbs the stairs, she slows her pace as she contemplates the person waiting for her on the other side of the door. The feeling of anticipation, of being on the verge of something scary but oh so exciting, reminds her of the first time she made the decision to put everything on the line for Ben Solo. It didn’t exactly go the way she hoped. He wanted it all back then, at least that’s how it seemed. Rey realises now what he really wanted is the same thing she wants; for someone to see her, to love her, and to know, when everything else is stripped away, she’s enough for that person just as she is. 

When she opens the door, she finds Ben sitting on her bed, bare-chested and with his head bowed. He doesn’t look up when she comes in. His raven hair has dried soft and wavy and is hanging down like a curtain over his face. Rey has seen him this way before. She knows the way his shoulders slump when he is afraid he doesn’t measure up, that he’s not good enough and doesn’t deserve to be loved. It breaks her heart. She goes to sit beside him.

Rey places her smaller hand next to his larger one on the bed. “I meant what I said before. I’m glad you’re here.” 

Ben reluctantly turns his head to meet her gaze. There is something different about his eyes but she can’t put her finger on what it is.

“You’ve built a life here,” he begins, sounding deflated. “I thought — it doesn’t matter. You already have everything you… need.”

Rey is perplexed. He had been so full of life and hope when he arrived and now he’s back to self-loathing. Her gaze falls to the floor and she sees the corner of her journal poking out from under the bed. She has an inkling about what triggered Ben’s spiral into depression.

“I survived, that’s what I’ve done,” Rey declares as she picks up the journal and sets it down in between them. “I make the best of it and I’ve got some amazing friends, but I didn’t have everything I needed until today.”

Ben doesn’t appear to comprehend what she's trying to tell him. 

“You deserve the... best, and if Dameron can…”

“What?” Rey splutters, interrupting his attempt at being noble while wondering where he could have got such a ridiculous notion. “You think me and Poe Dameron are — Nope, absolutely not.”

“You looked… close… Out there,” Ben points to the window.

The jealousy and jumping to conclusions is something Rey hasn’t missed about him. She takes a deep breath to calm her before setting him straight. “When I said I didn’t have everything I needed until today, I was talking about you — you idiot!” She lets out a sigh of exasperation. “You probably don’t remember but you were my first kiss. You were the first and only person I wanted to do more with than kiss. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had plenty of offers and opportunities since then, but none of them ever felt right. Poe, Finn, Rose, Chewie, Luke, Leia, and all of the Resistance have been my family but you’re my home. I’ve missed you so much, Ben.” 

He grasps her hand in his. “I’m here... but I don’t know if I can be what you want me to be… what you deserve.”

Rey twines her fingers with his. “I want Ben Solo and here you are. That’s enough for me.” Her eyes rove over the expanse of his exposed chest and down to where the towel is bunched up over his lap. “Do you think it would be okay for us to kiss?” She moves in closer to him and licks her lips. Ben doesn’t look opposed to the idea and she’s about to go for it when a loud knock at the door jolts them apart. She curses at being interrupted when she hears a familiar voice.

“It’s me,” Rose says from outside the door. “I’ve got your laundry.”

Rey knows it isn’t fair to be annoyed at her for getting his clothes cleaned and mended so soon, but she didn’t have to be quite so damn efficient. “I’ll be right there,” she shouts, leaping up and giving Ben an apologetic glance for their second failed attempt at a kiss.

Rose greets them with a cheery smile which turns impish when she spies Rey with a near-naked Ben standing behind her. She gives a low whistle as she takes in his firm build. “Understanding, gentle, tall, and very well preserved. I can see the attraction.”

“Hey, get your own understanding, gentle and tall, reformed zombie,” Rey teases.

Rose laughs. “I might just do that.”

Rey goes to take the pile of clothes from her. “Thanks for getting these back so soon.” She tries not to sound too insincere but she can tell her friend is on to her.

“You’re welcome,” Rose says with a playful grin. “I also got a toothbrush and a whole tube of minty fresh toothpaste. Let me know if you need anything else,” she winks before heading back towards the door. 

“I arranged to meet General Organa at ten tomorrow morning. You’ll be around, right?” Rey asks hoping she can still count on her support.

Rose gives a resolute nod. “Absolutely.”

Rey smiles gratefully and thanks her again for everything.

Rose leaves with a sombre warning. “We should get some rest. I’ve got a feeling we’re gonna need it.” 

Ben takes his clothes and retreats to the bathroom. The romantic mood of earlier has been killed stone dead by the reminder of what they face in the morning. 

Rey flops down on her bed exhausted. “I wanted to talk to your mother and prepare the way a little, but she’s always so busy. I told her I have something important I need to speak to her about in private and she’s agreed to take some time out of her schedule to meet me — us, in the Memorial Garden tomorrow. Except she doesn’t know there is an us.”

Ben emerges from the bathroom in his clean clothes looking more like his old self than ever. “Best I can hope for... is that she doesn’t shoot me on sight,” he says, taking a seat on the other bed.

Rey heaves a weary sigh. “We have to hope for better than that.”

It’s dark out and she closes the curtains and switches a lamp on, which gives the room an orange glow.

“What about my... uncle?” Ben asks after they’ve been lost in their own thoughts for a while. “I know there’s bad blood… but shouldn’t he be there too?”

In an ideal world, Luke would be there to welcome his nephew back into the fold and all would be forgiven. But this isn’t that world.

“He’s not here right now,” Rey says as she fidgets with the frayed edge of her blanket. “Luke likes to go out into the woods sometimes.”

Ben is alarmed. “That doesn’t sound… safe.”

Rey shakes her head because she’s had this argument with his uncle plenty of times, but she also understands his need for occasional solitude. “When the world went to shit Luke was off living the life of a hermit in this shack up in the mountains,” she explains. “After Han and you, well, he was the only family your mother had left. Leia asked me to go and bring him back with me. Chewie went with me and when we got to Luke’s shack, let's just say he was not pleased to see us. I told him what had happened and that his sister needed him, but he refused to return to the compound with us.” 

She pauses to take a drink of soda and offers one to Ben. He takes the can but doesn’t open it. “What changed Luke’s mind?” he asks.

Rey shrugs. “He turned up outside the compound a month or so later. Things were going really bad at that point and Leia was about ready to abandon all hope. I’ve honestly never seen her so defeated. It was as if Luke somehow knew and had been waiting for exactly the right moment to show up. I mean he and your mother are twins, right? I’ve heard her talk about them having this special connection where one can sense when the other needs them. Anyway, Luke helped Leia turn things around but he’s still carrying a lot of guilt over what happened with you and Han. I guess he came back to atone and your mother forgave him a long time ago. He wasn’t able to make his peace with Han or with you and he hasn’t been able to forgive himself, either. So, there is this cabin in the woods, it was built by some doomsday prepper that ended up blowing his brains out up there. That’s the trouble with that sort, all they see is the problems in the world, old or new, and not the potential. Anyway, one of our salvage teams found the cabin and Luke insisted on going back there alone. He has been going out there regularly ever since. Sometimes he’s gone a few days and other times he’s away for months. It’s only been a few days so far. If I’d known you were going to show up today, maybe I could have got word to him to come back, but perhaps it’s better this way. As fond as I am of your mother and uncle, they make a pretty formidable pair. If we can get Leia onboard, I’m sure the rest will follow.”

Ben looks contemplative and then he turns his attention to the soda can in his possession. He pops the tab open and peers tentatively inside. After a few seconds, he raises the hand he’s holding it in. “Here’s to… high hopes,” he says before taking a sip.

Rey chuckles fondly at his toast. “To high hopes,” she agrees.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The title song is If I Had You by The Korgis. I also love Everybody’s Got To Learn Sometime by the same band which kind of fits the mood of this chapter too.
> 
> I initially thought this fic would be 6 chapters long but it needs 7 to wrap it all up.
> 
> I’m not sure if anyone is still reading this fic, apologies for taking so long to update it you are, and thanks for sticking with it.


	7. Here Comes The Sun

_  
Little darling, the smile’s returning to their faces _

_ Little darling, it seems like years since it’s been here... _

  
  


Ben wakes to find Rey attached to him like a limpet. It had been her idea to make a bed on the floor by putting the two mattresses side-by-side and sharing the blankets. He held her in his arms until she fell asleep, her warmth surrounding him and seeping into his bones until he too drifted off. His dreams are no longer a patchwork of the past but a possible roadmap for the future. All Ben has to do is take one more step. As long as Rey is with him, he is sure he’s on the right path.

It is dark and quiet outside as she slumbers beside him. The Resistance Compound at night isn’t too dissimilar to the airport. Every now and then, the sound of a dog barking pierces the silence but it is otherwise devoid of life. Somewhere close by his mother is sleeping, unaware of the surprises the morning has in store for her. The last thing Ben wants to do is hurt her more than he has done already. Rey told him Leia has been able to make peace with the past and here he is about to dig it all up again. As much as he wants to be better, he can’t escape what he is and what he’s done. But the wound can’t heal until the infection is stopped once and for all. It’s kill or cure time, there is no other way.

Nothing much mattered back at the airport when he spent his days slowly decomposing. But now, he’s got a life to lose again. Ben glances down at Rey as she mumbles softly in her sleep. She believes in him and she is willing to put everything on the line for a new tomorrow. He has to be prepared to do the same. Fear of loss leads to inaction and stagnation. Ben has been there and done that. He can’t let his fears and doubts hold him back now. Soon the sun will rise, but he wants to savour having Rey in his arms a little while longer. He closes his eyes and starts to drift. 

_ He is standing in the backstage of some theatre waiting for his cue. Ben glances down to check he’s wearing clothes. He is relieved to find he is, and this isn’t one of those ‘appearing unexpectedly naked in front of a crowd’ kind of dreams. The curtain parts and the spotlight awaits. There is a microphone on a stand like he’s about to deliver a stand up comedy routine. He remembers the Jerry Seinfeld bit about how people’s number one fear is public speaking. Death is number two. So for the average person, if they go to a funeral, they’re better off in the casket than doing the eulogy. _

_ He steps out hesitantly, unsure of what’s in store for him. The spotlight dazzles his eyes so he can’t see the faces of the people sitting in the audience.  _

_ Ben takes the microphone from the stand and greets them with a nervous, ‘Hello.’ _

_ ‘Look alive!’ Tallie heckles from the front row. _

_ ‘Today’s the day, kid,’ his father shouts from the next seat. _

_ ‘Carpe diem,’ another voice cries out and the rest cheer. _

_ He can see them all now, his father, Tallie, and all the other nameless men, women and children, without whom he wouldn’t have made it this far. Ben owes them his life. _

_ ‘Thank you, each and everyone,’ he says clapping them. ‘Come on, give yourselves a round of applause.’ _

_ The sound is thunderous as they all join in with gusto. _

_ There is one joke he knows and it would be nice to go out with a smile. _

_ ‘Did you hear about the zombie who only eats clowns? He always goes for the juggler.’ _

_ The audience groans. _

_ ‘Is it me or is it dead in here?’ Ben quips. _

_ The spotlight fades out... _

He opens his eyes to find Rey peering down at him through a tangle of hair with an amused smile.

“What?” he inquires, frowning.

“I think you’re funny,” she assures him, “— dead funny,” she erupts into giggles.

Ben realises he must have been talking in his sleep and he’s mortified. But Rey’s laughter is infectious and he’s soon chuckling along with her. He hasn’t laughed in so long, he’s rusty at first, wheezing and hissing like an asthmatic snake, which makes them both laugh even harder.

A knock at the door signals Rose’s arrival. “Good morning,” she chirps, smirking when she sees the makeshift bed on the floor. “Sleep well?”

Rey rolls her eyes. “Like the dead,” she retorts.

“I got this from Chewie,” Rose says, pulling a black hoodie from her backpack. “I found Beau’s sunglasses too.”

“Did Chewie ask who it was for?” Rey questions as she goes to brush her teeth.

Rose is searching through the set of drawers next to what used to be Tallie’s bed. “I told him I needed the hoodie for a new recruit. So it wasn’t a lie, exactly.”

“He won’t be… happy,” Ben frowns, his hand instinctively going to the scar on his abdomen, the place where the man he once called ‘Unca Chewie’ shot him. 

He remembers being hoisted up onto the tall man’s shoulders as a young boy. It all seemed so simple then. His dad, his dad’s best friend, and him, going on adventures and getting into mischief.

“Chewie will come around,” Rey assures him as she comes out of the bathroom, her hair back in its three buns style. “They all will.”

“What if they... don’t?” Ben wants to believe in miracles but they haven’t even discussed a contingency plan.

Rose stops her rummaging and looks to her friend with curiosity as if she’s been pondering the same question.

Rey is evasive. “We will cross that bridge if we come to it.”

“We should cross it... now,” Ben insists.

“Fine,” Rey huffs as she sits down on the bed. “Look, I left you at that house and came back here because I didn’t see any future for us. But you’re changing and you say others are changing too. I thought this is where I belonged. But if the Resistance can’t see the potential you represent, well, maybe we should find our own place. There’s a whole world out there and we’ll have each other.”

As much as Ben loves the idea of the two of them riding off into the sunset together, he fears she would resent him for it in time. “This is your… home. Your friends are... here.”

Rose concurs. “You can’t leave us.”

Rey takes a moment to contemplate the situation, her shoulders slumping. “It’s not that I want to go but we can’t go on living like this. We are running out of everything. We don’t have enough land behind these walls to produce all the food we need. The water has been recycled so many times you have to boil most of it away before you dare to drink a drop. We put more effort and resources into making and maintaining weapons than we do into sustainable living. We have to broaden our horizons if we’re going to survive in the long-term. As much as I disagree with Poe’s methods, he’s right to want to expand our reach. We gave up on a cure long ago, but something is happening here and I don’t want us to waste this opportunity. It’s time we focused on living and stopped chasing after death.”

Rose nods in agreement. “I hear you but the clock is ticking and we need to get Ben ready for this meeting.” She grabs her backpack and directs him towards the bathroom to begin making him over. First, she hands him the hoodie to put on. “You can wear it with the hood up but the sunglasses might be too much.” Then Rose puts the lid down on the toilet and gestures for him to take a seat. It’s not particularly glamorous but the height difference makes it essential. “I’ve found Tallie’s cosmetics bag. I’m thinking we could maybe dab on some foundation and give his cheeks a bit of colour, what do you think?”

Rey stands in front of him and coaxes him to tilt his head from side to side as she studies his complexion. “Your eyes don’t look as dull as they did,” she notes with surprise. “You always did have pale skin but a warmer tone wouldn’t hurt.”

Ben lets them get to work on making him appear as alive on the outside as he’s feeling inside. While Rey cards her fingers through his hair, he closes his eyes to savour the sensation and his mind drifts back to the airport. In a matter of days he’s gone from being a lost soul, empty and directionless, to finding purpose and getting back in touch with his emotions. Whether the dreams of his father and Tallie speaking to him are real or if they’re the voice of his conscience, Ben is listening anyway and he’s going to do what’s right. 

“Ready for your close up, Mr Solo?” Rose inquires cheekily as she and Rey admire their handiwork.

Ben stands up to look at his reflection in the bathroom mirror. His mouth opens in surprise because, as the Blue Fairy did for Pinocchio, they’ve transformed him into a real boy. He is ready to rejoin the land of the living.

* * *

Rey holds onto Ben’s hand so tightly, she would be cutting his circulation off — if he had any. It might draw less curiosity if they walked side by side but she has an overwhelming need to keep him close, while she still can. Waking up with Ben beside her is a wonderful feeling she wants to repeat again and again. Even if they can’t do anything except sleep together in the same bed, it’s enough. If Ben’s resurrection never extends below the belt, Rey has scavenged through plenty of adult stores in her time and she’s built up quite a collection of toys. There is nothing stopping them from getting creative down the line. 

Rose keeps a few steps ahead of them to look out for trouble as they wind their way through the compound. Thankfully they don’t meet any. The few people they do pass are too preoccupied with their own problems to get involved in anyone else’s. Everybody appears either worn down or worn out. It is just another day to them. Their lives could be about to change forever and not one of them knows it. 

The memorial garden is on the far side of the compound. Its soil is shallow and full of rocks so it’s not exactly a green oasis. The garden only exists at all because nothing edible can be grown there. Rey has gathered a few tubs and window boxes to give the place some colour amid the names crudely scratched, carved or spray-painted onto paving slabs, rocks and bits of wood.

“We usually burn the bodies of the dead — if there’s anything left to burn,” she informs Ben as he glances around at the tightly clustered memorials. There are three freshly planted flowering shrubs with names scratched onto each of the pots. Rey tugs at Ben’s hand and guides him down the narrow path towards them. She points to the one in the middle. “This one’s for Tallie. If I’d known you were coming, we could have planted it together.” 

Ben reverently bows his head and then reaches down to gently pat the soil.

Rey casts an eye towards the fence where Rose is keeping watch. It’s all quiet and Leia isn’t due to arrive for another ten minutes so she leads him further into the garden. 

At the centre is a marble slab they got from a funeral home. “This one is for your dad,” Rey explains, bringing them to a halt in front of it. “I wish we’d had someone with your calligraphy skills on hand but we had to settle for Chewie with a hammer and chisel.”

Ben is bemused. “Calligraphy?”

Rey fondly recalls the romantic notes he wrote for her and wishes she still had them. Now he’s back, perhaps he can write her some new ones. “It’s something you’d been doing since childhood. You told me you found it calming for your mind and body. It helped you push out all the hurtful, intrusive thoughts in your head and concentrate instead on the motion of your hand and the flow of the ink onto the paper. You had quite the collection of fancy fountain pens and even an old-fashioned feather quill and antique inkwell.” 

Ben keeps his gaze fixed on his father’s memorial stone as if he’s in a trance. After a minute or two of silence, she asks him if he’s okay.

“I’ve been dreaming about… dad,” he explains as he turns to face her. “Sometimes, he speaks… to me.”

Rey is curious as the two of them always struggled to communicate anything to each other except for anger and disappointment. “What does he say?”

Ben looks back down at the marble slab. “It’s not… real. He’s… just a memory.”

“I know he loved you,” Rey insists, recalling the desperation and determination of Han’s last ditch effort to save his son. “If that’s what he’s telling you, then it is real.”

She doesn’t know if he will ever be able to accept or comprehend the depth of his father’s love for him. A love she once coveted and envied, having been denied it from her own father. But Ben doesn’t repudiate what she’s said as he once would have done spitting venom and sour words. Instead, he indicates towards the epitaph inscription Leia insisted on —  _ ‘I know,’ —  _ with a wistful expression.

“Mom and dad had this thing where... whenever he left to go flying... she would say, ‘I love you,’... and he replied, ‘I know.’ I thought it was... stupid.”

Rey smiles fondly having witnessed such exchanges firsthand. “Well, I always thought it was cute. Like when Patrick Swayze says ‘Ditto’ in Ghost.”

“Dad told me… it was his way of saying… he would be extra careful... because mom loved him and he… loved her. It meant he’d come back… for her.” Ben sinks to his knees. “Now… he can’t… because of me.”

Rey remembers standing in this same spot with his mother when they first laid Han’s memorial stone. Leia told her the last thing she’d ever said to him was  _ ‘If you see our son, bring him home.’  _

She puts her hand on Ben’s shoulder to comfort him. “Your father did what he set out to do — he brought you home. You took the long way round is all.”

Voices at the fence draw her attention. Rose is attempting to divert Finn away from entering the garden but he’s already caught sight of Rey. Ben remains on his knees, his face obscured by the hoodie he’s wearing.

“What’s going on?” Finn questions striding towards them.

Guilt consumes her for not taking him into her confidence sooner. Finn is her best friend, but the matter of Ben and her relationship with him has always been a sore point between them. It’s a subject they don’t talk about. 

“I’m waiting for General Organa, she’ll be here any minute,” Rey explains, stepping forward to block his path.

Finn stops, suspicion burning in his eyes as he focuses his attention on the man kneeling behind her. “Rose says he’s new here but we haven’t had any new arrivals at the main gate for over a week.”

He moves to step forward but Rey puts her hand on his chest to stop him. “Wait a minute,” she pleads.

Ben stands up and pulls his hood down to reveal his somehow still-perfectly-styled raven hair. 

“Oh, hell no!” Finn cries, reaching for his gun. 

Rey doesn’t hesitate to place herself directly in front of Ben. Conscious of their height difference, she presses herself up on the tips of her toes holding onto him for balance.

“Listen to me,” she begs her best friend. “He’s no danger to us, I promise you. Put the gun down.”

Finn scoffs in disbelief. “No danger? Tell that to Han Solo. You’ve never been able to see straight when it comes to him. But you know what he is — we both do.”

Rey shakes her head. “He’s different now. If you give him a chance, you’ll see.”

She can tell there isn’t much hope of that from the expression of disgust on his face.

“The people here trust us to keep them safe,” Finn points his gun at Ben’s head, “and you let that monster in.”

Before Rey can argue, Rose shouts from outside the fence to alert them to the impending arrival of General Organa.

“If he makes one move, I’ll shoot him,” Finn threatens, keeping his gun trained on his target.

Rey can feel Ben is itching to let loose but she keeps her gaze locked on Finn. His finger is poised on the trigger and she can’t let him take the shot. 

The General continues to walk unawares towards the garden. Rose intercepts her at the entrance and attempts to give her some warning of what she’s about to encounter. But it comes too late as she instantly catches sight of the towering figure standing behind Rey.

“Ben?” Leia gasps, the shock bringing her to a sudden halt.

It seems for a moment as if they’re all frozen in place and time itself has come to a stop. 

* * *

One word is all it takes to shatter the fragile peace.

“Mom.” 

Ben has to go to her and he can hold himself back no longer. 

Rey lunges at Finn and they grapple with the gun discharging a shot into the air. Rose joins in the scuffle and manages to grab the weapon after it’s knocked to the ground.

Finn sees Ben advancing towards Leia and he tries to shake Rey off to get to him. She jumps on her friend’s back in an attempt to slow him down.

Ben gets to within six feet of his mother, teetering with uncertainty like a baby taking his first steps, when she holds her hand up to stop him from coming any closer. There is a trace of hope in her eyes but she’s wary. Neither of them speak. Ben has thought long and hard about what he should say. He has rehearsed apologies and pleas for forgiveness. But now he’s face to face with his mother and the moment has arrived, he can’t find the right words. 

She isn’t exactly a stranger to him. Ben instinctively feels their mother and son bond even if all he has are fleeting snapshots of their relationship. There are so many gaps in his memory. So much of his life is gone, perhaps forever. But it’s not over yet, he’s here for the future, not the past.

“Mom, I…”

“General Organa, there are at least a hundred Dead-heads at the gate and — What the fuck?” 

Poe Dameron comes crashing onto the scene with an urgent message to convey but the sight of Ben Solo has him reaching for his gun.

“Oh no you don’t,” Rey cries as she lets go of Finn and rushes to grab Ben’s hand. “Run,” she urges him, tugging hard.

The pair of them barrel past Leia and Poe, knocking the latter off balance as they go. 

“Rey!” Finn calls after her in confusion.

“You brought the dead to our gates, you asshole,” Poe yells, soon hot on their heels and radioing for reinforcements. 

Through it all, Rose attempts to be the voice of reason but no one is in the mood to listen.

Rey is breathing hard, her eyes wide with desperation as she looks around for a hiding place. 

Ben remembers the loose panel where he got into the compound. “This… way,” he says, pulling her with him.

To be honest, he’s not sure they’re going in the right direction. Others have joined in the pursuit and they are forced to change course. The streets and alleyways are a labyrinth and he had been too wrapped up in following traces of Rey’s scent the first time to memorise the route he took. Somehow he gets them to the right place anyway. 

At some point, they lost Poe and his troopers but the sound of the tracker dogs barking indicates they’re not far behind them. Ben leads Rey to the wall and starts feeling for the loose panel. Someone has attempted to tack it down but it’s not too difficult to pry it open again. 

Ben notes the conflict in Rey’s eyes. “Sure you want to come… with me?”

She looks away from him in the direction of the barking dogs. “It wasn’t supposed to go this way.”

“I could try again,” Ben offers, although he’s sure it would be a suicide mission. She deserves someone who would give anything for her. “Maybe they’ll… listen.”

Rey shakes her head. “It was doomed the minute Finn showed up. You probably could have got through to Leia but Rose was right about the others.”

Ben would like to have had more time with his mother, even if only to say a proper goodbye. He forces his big body through the narrow gap in the wall and looks around to check if the coast is clear. Hux and the others from the airport must have been forced to move on

He turns back to Rey and he can see she remains hesitant. “You could… stay.”

“No,” she says, pushing herself through the gap and falling into his waiting arms. “I meant what I said, we will find our own way.”

Ben nods but he hasn’t got a clue where to go. It’s a fresh start for both of them so the airport is out. Rey looks into his eyes and his fears melt away. She smiles and grabs a handful of his shirt pulling him down until his lips meet hers. The kiss doesn’t last long because they are in the middle of running for their lives, but it hits him like a zap of electricity passing through his body. When they break apart, Ben is gasping for breath and there’s a strange fluttering sensation in his chest. He doesn’t have time to dwell on it. The dogs are hot on their heels and they need to move.

“We have to get out of the city,” Rey cries as they run hand in hand away from the compound.

Ben sees the side street that leads back to the main road and heads towards it. Their pursuers appear to have abandoned the chase and all looks clear in front of them — until they turn the corner. 

Rey takes in the large crowd of Undead before them with alarm. “Oh, shiiiii — t,” she hisses under her breath.

Zombies are pouring in from all around, apparently intent on making their way to the main gate of the compound. Ben pulls Rey back onto the side street and holds her close to him. He is about to insist they return to the Resistance when he sees a familiar redhead making his way towards them through the crowd.

“You took your… time,” Hux complains as he reaches them.

Ben can see this is no mindless horde driven by hunger. There is an air of peace and purpose about them as if they’re on the brink of a divine revelation. “What’s going on?”

“It’s spreading,” Hux says in wonderment. “We’re all… changing.”

Rey clings to Ben’s hand as the three of them walk in among the others. As they approach the main gate, a voice booms through a bullhorn from one of the two watchtowers positioned on either side of it.

“Ready rocket launchers,” Poe orders as a row of troopers appear on top of the wall.

“No!” Rey yells as she pushes her way forward to the foot of the watchtower. “Stop this now.”

Poe leans over the rail, clearly surprised to see her alive and unharmed. But his expression soon hardens and his resolve doesn’t waver. “The enemy is at our gates and he led them here,” he snarls, pointing accusingly at Ben. “If you’re with him, you’re against us.”

“These people are not our enemy,” Rey insists. “They were sick but they’re getting better. Look at them,” she pleads, desperate for Poe to see the humanity in the faces of those around her.

He gazes out into the crowd but his mind is already made up. “I’ll give you a count of ten to run and take cover.”

Rey screams and shouts as he starts counting down.

“... Eight… Seven…”

Ben grabs her by the waist, panic swelling in his stomach, he has to get her to safety. She won’t move so he hoists her up in his arms and growls at the others to get out of his way. As the count reaches three, the gates of the compound begin to part before them. 

Poe halts the countdown and orders his men to lower their weapons.

Ben halts in his tracks, breathing deeply from the effort, and sets Rey back on her feet. She presses her hand against his chest and looks up at him in amazement.

“Your heart is beating,” she cries, tears of happiness rolling down her cheeks.

He is too stunned and distracted by the thrumming of his heartbeat for a second to notice his mother, Rose and Chewie standing behind the open gates.

Rey gently squeezes Ben’s hand, bringing him back to himself. He looks towards the compound to see his mom smiling at him.

“You're just like your father,” Leia fondly chides holding her arms open to him. “He never did anything by halves, either.” 

Ben laughs, cries, and goes to hug his mother. 

* * *

A month has passed since Leia opened the gates. The intervening weeks haven’t exactly been incident-free but trust is building daily between the Living and the formerly Undead. All of them have had their fill of death. They are hungry for new experiences now. It is doing everyone good to rediscover the pleasures of reconnecting on a basic human level. A cheery ‘hello’ and a sincere ‘how are you?’ can go a long way to ease someone’s loneliness and make them feel valued.

Luke returned from his latest sojourn in the woods to find the world had changed in his absence. He kept professing not to be surprised and that he’d told Leia  _ ‘No one is ever really gone.’  _ But Rey could see how deeply it moved him to be face to face with his nephew again. Ben has been able to spend time with his mother and uncle without it being tainted by the bitterness of the past. Old wounds are mending. Some leave scars but that’s okay because they’re a reminder of strength and survival. 

Rey is more optimistic than she’s ever been about the future. But she is under no illusions about the uphill climb that lies ahead of them. The road to anything resembling life as they knew it is going to be very long indeed. Rey tells herself it’s no use looking back, they’re not going in that direction. The old world is gone and rebuilding it brick by brick shouldn’t be their aim. It didn’t work. The foundations were rotten from the start and the rot kept spreading until it collapsed in on itself. Rey likes to view what’s happening more as a rebirth than a resurrection but she got outvoted when it came to renaming the Resistance Compound. Poe argued Resurrection Base sounded more hopeful and less creepy. As he had taken a lot of convincing to come around to the idea in the first place, Rey didn’t mind conceding on the semantics if it kept him onboard.

She has been mending fences with Finn and her other close friends. After a frosty beginning, they slowly began to accept Ben into the fold. Leia decided to take a step back from some of her leadership duties, entrusting Poe, Finn, Kaydel and Rose with more responsibilities. Rey and Ben are taking the lead on helping the recently-revived reintegrate into society. The problems of how to feed everyone and provide other daily essentials haven’t gone away but they’re working on solving them together.

Rey takes a break from the engine she’s been working on and watches as Hux follows Rose around in her duties like a lovesick puppy. Her friend doesn’t seem to mind, though. Quite the opposite, in fact. Rey smiles as she ducks her head back under the car hood. Chewie changed the oil and filled up the tank for her when she told him her plans. He doesn’t talk a lot but she knows it’s his way of saying he’s happy for her and Ben. She appreciates the gesture and she’s grateful he found it in his heart to forgive what can’t be undone. Chewie’s relationship with Ben might never be as it was before but he still loves him and that’s what counts.

“Going somewhere?”

Rey jumps at the sound of Ben’s voice and narrowly escapes banging her head on the hood. She had been so engrossed in her task she hadn’t heard his approach.

“It was supposed to be a surprise,” she frowns. “It’s such a beautiful day, I thought we could drive up into the hills and watch the sunset.”

Ben glances over the car, his eyes widening in recognition on realising it’s the corvette they took from the airport. 

Rey pushes the hood down and wipes her hands on the rag tucked in her belt. “We’re all set if you’re up for it. Everything’s in working order.”

He gives her a mischievous look. “Everything?”

Rey feels a flush of arousal on recalling how he woke her up that morning. “I’ve got no complaints,” she smirks.

Ben pulls her in for a kiss. “I don’t know if I mentioned it before but I love you, you know?”

“You did and I do,” she beams, kissing him back.

“Come on then,” he says jumping into the passenger seat. “If you want to watch the sun go down, your wish is my command.”

Rey doesn’t need telling twice. She gets behind the wheel and revs up the engine.

It’s good to be alive.  
  


**The End.**

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for taking the time to read this fic. I hope you all enjoyed it and please do leave a comment.
> 
> The title song is Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles. I almost went with No Love Dying by Gregory Porter because I love that song and the lyrics are appropriate. But in the end I thought Here Comes The Sun fit better, particularly with Leia and Ben’s mother and son reunion.
> 
> I am hoping to write a Reylo ghost story for Halloween. I just love the spooky season! 
> 
> Stay safe and well. :-)


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